When Not to Give

I'm learning that despite how much I want for someone to be a part of my life, I cannot make them. And despite how much I want to be there for others, I cannot force them to let me. It's odd, you wouldn't think you'd have to be forceful in order to help others, yet, that actually happens. And I have to just accept that some people simply don't like me for whatever rhyme or reason. It sucks, but it's reality. I've always desired friends who want to be around me because they enjoy my company the same way I enjoy theirs, neither one of us expecting a thing but yet relishing in the fact that we know without a doubt that we mutually care for one another. I don't know why I can't seem to build those relationships. Everyone at first is like yeah, "I'll call you Bri", "I'll text you soon", "I'll reach out", "we'll get together", and then it ends up being one sided, suddenly, it's just me reaching out; then they distance themselves from me entirely. And not in a straight forward manner either but more of a gradual limbo they leave me in wondering if they care at all. I just don't get it. It kinda hurts but what can I do? I feel a bit sad because I invest my heart into every relationship, whether friends or more and although I do not demand anything in return, it would still be nice to have the same love reciprocated that I give out. And sure, one can say all that they want to say about not having expectations when you give... But if I'm in the desert and I am consistently pouring water into the mouths of others, and no one ever offers me a drink in return, I'm ultimately going to die of thirst, no? And so then what good am I to anyone dead? It is the same with Love. When it is shared, it nourishes both souls. Both benefit mutually from the relationship. But if one is constantly taking from the other and yet that person denies the other the same in return, they inevitably quench their soul. Whether that was their initial intention or not.

Love cannot be one sided.

It's why God created relationship, fellowship, friendship, so that we could pour into one another, helping each other, not simply one taking of the other and never giving back. That's not treating others as you would have them treat you. No, not at all. And that's only one metaphor. I have plenty I could use but hopefully you get the gist. I am partially to blame as well because I have allowed others to take freely from me, and accepted the fact that they offer me nothing in return. I've been giving to everyone unlimited amounts of love and care. But that's changing. I have to learn when to stop giving, when to stop trying. When to stop investing in others when I see that they'll never invest in me also. I would give the shirt off my back to many of you and yet some of you would leave me out in the cold to freeze while wearing the very shirt I gave you. No thank you. Not anymore. I am only allotted a certain amount of hours in a day, so little time to invest here on earth, and my heart is only so big. I believe I need to choose more wisely who I invest my time and heart into helping and loving. I'll continue praying for all of you that I love but some of you just won't see much of me or hear much from me anymore. Not that many of you will be phased by that, I'm sure. Your lives will go on as usual without me. And that's okay. I will not hold it against you. I will still love you with Christ's love. It will remain. I am just growing and learning..... God is doing something big within me. This chapter of my life is "Immense Revelation" and "Transformation". Revelation of who God is. Of my purpose in Him. Of how I should carry out His will in the time that I have left, and of who I am in Him. And the transformation is me being made whole, and utterly complete in Him. I'll be more than okay once the tears have dried. I just hurt at the moment. But I have it on good authority that although my weeping may endure through the night, my Joy will surely come in the morning. I see a new day dawning......