Life is so interesting. I was listening to Psalms of David in the Word and I love the way his prayer and conversation unto God was so raw, and honest. There is one passage where he's literally yelling at God to get up and help him! He even says "stop procrastinating God! I know You can help me so get up and help me already!" I just love that. I am learning more and more, how God just adores an honest, hurting soul that knows how much they need Jesus. Someone who shouts love from the depths of their souls to Him whether their circumstance is good or bad, and that has sincere Faith as oppose to counterfeit faith. As we open up everything that we are to God, it frees us to Trust Him more to fix what we were trying to fix in ourselves. Who knows us better than our Father? I am learning how much He dotes on His children that come to Him with nothing on their heart but the desire to draw closer to Him. I am learning to Trust Him deeper with all of me, and in everything. For so many years of my life on my journey with God, I have made many whom I had considered friends. So many of them have come and gone. The right ones have stayed and for that I am grateful. But because of the ones who left, I find myself hesitant to trust, even when I find authentic friends, because I always thought, at one point, the others were real too, but they let me down. So when I do find true friends, where I believe there is no element of pressure to be somebody I am not, nor exorbitant expectation, nor an unhealthy atmosphere of judgment and religious restriction; I almost feel like it's too good to be true so a part of me remains reserved to protect my heart. This goes for love relationships too. But as I give Jesus more of my heart, I need be concerned less, and less because God's got me, no matter what condition my heart is in. God is working in me on breaking those walls I've built daily, enabling me to be exactly as He created me: Happy, fun, bubbly, smiley and loving, whether that joy and love I give is reciprocated or not; the abundance of that joy and love is still mine to give freely without expectation just as Jesus does for me and all of us. I believe God understands that I genuinely care about souls and that I want to be as open and honest as supernaturally possible, and to be able to share my heart with everyone without worry of what they may do to it, so He is working in me, freeing me from myself so that I am able to freely be myself in Jesus, in the presence of anyone; Friend or foe. I met someone (several people actually) but one guy in particular who just radiates Jesus, so much so that he literally has a glow about him, just by being in this guys presence you feel joyful and exuberant, and just free. He is carefree and beautiful and I don't mean in just the superficial attractive sense of the word, but just utterly beautiful within his soul and it escapes him like water would from a cracked dam, like this guy is seriously the embodiment of sunshine! Yet, he's gone through some of the darkest things I have ever heard in my life. Still, ear to ear, he smiles and is so happy that he just giggles for no reason at all sometimes (at least no reason that is apparent to me). He is so wonderful and truly blesses my heart and many other hearts, I am sure. I look at him and I see in him what God desires for all of us: To live freely and fully in the present moment; to be at peace, and unconcerned about what may or may not happen.
"Look at the birds, free and unfettered.... careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds." - Matthew 6:26 MSG
I am so thankful to know this guy whose soul is like that of a free bird, and the other beautiful souls I have met recently. I am blessed that God has formed these genuine friendships here that I can trust in, and believe will be life long friendships, whether I am in Cali or Georgia or anywhere in the world. I am so beyond grateful to have a spiritual family that's just all about Jesus....Trusting Him, Knowing Him, and Reading God's word. I have been given True, Uninhibited Fellowship. And I am trusting Jesus that the Holy Spirit will go before me to Georgia and form those same divine encounters that will become my extended spiritual family there. I just Love God so much. I am happy to be able to love Him and to be able to love in general. That's all.
Jesus is my everything.
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