Jane

Girl in the corner
won't you come over
and say hello
"No" she responds
with her arms crossed
A nervous cough
a slight toss of the hair
Aware that she is unsure
She tries to ignore everyone around her
Believing they won't allow her to be herself
She doesn't want your help
She's the do it yourself type
Too much pride
Often mistaken for confidence
This fence she's built around her
It's tense as they surround her
and try to break it down
She screams out
"You'll never get inside"
As she hides her true colors
Worried they'll discover her imperfections
So for protection of her heart
She stands guard at all times
Stays clear of closed minds
and people that will judge her
Will anyone learn to love her; she wonders
For now she returns to her corner
though she'd like to come over
and introduce herself
She can tell once you know her.....
you won't stay for long.

You Hold My Heart

From the moment your lips touched mine
I resigned to the fact that I was yours
and not by choice
I had no say in the matter
as a matter of fact
I lacked all sense of rationality
Your sensuality had me captivated
You created this world of Love
that before you I had never experienced
and it was evident
in that moment that I wanted you
with every fiber of my being
I wanted to
be everything that you needed
I pleaded with myself not to fall
But how could I say no to something so incredible
a feeling so celestial
Our connection was inevitable
And your love was so......
(sigh)....indescribable
It was as though
you had this hold on me
Our chemistry was out of this world
Somewhere between Heaven and Earth
I got lost with you
and it's true I didn't want to be found
Not if it meant being without
Your touch, your kiss...
Your smile
Though it's been a while
I can still remember the bliss we shared
How you cared for me
and I miss you desperately
if only you had just let me
give you my heart and soul
But you'll forever hold
a piece of me
All of my heart is yours to keep
if your willing to take it that is........

Butterfly.....

Just beyond your reach is where I stay
I'd lay my heart in your hands
only to later go astray
I'd grace your being with my presence
with but a hint of what Love is
A butterfly kiss
I flutter by with
no intentions of landing
but you are intent on demanding
I stay where you are
but that scenario doesn't go far with me
I must be free
These broken wings weren't always broken
Don't you see.....
I need to believe in Love
in order to be in Love
So for now I must fly
barely above the one who follows
until I
am ready to fall
broken wings and all....
into the hands of a Love that knows no sorrow.

Love over Knowledge

God's plan sometimes so divine
I often find it hard to understand
But then again
am I even suppose to?
Or is it part of life's test
to grow through
mistakes made and progress into
the Knowledge needed to obtain
the Lord's sight
I long to see from His eyes
Light
Despite all darkness
Seeing hope in the hopeless
A tear in the assumed heartless......
I call this....Love

I surrender humbly......

The lyrics to the song "I am God" by Kirk Franklyn are just exactly how I feel. I have said these things to God before. I mean wow....it's like everything I have felt, angry with Him or sad or doubtful of Him, but at the end of the day He keeps calling me. I think it's time for me to pick up the phone and answer with all my heart and soul, surrender. Not just some of it but all of it. He stays around me even when I constantly mess up. When I get so fed up with the world and rude people, that I rebel and become rude myself, do you know what I mean. Like when people are just blatantly disrespectful, I retaliate by not being nice anymore and I know that by doing that I am not hurting them because they don't care about me at all, I am only hurting myself and God because He sees who I am is kind. I mean....he made me sensitive and kind. I may get my feelings hurt a lot because of it but that is no excuse to dishonor Him. And yet He stays with me even when I get so overwhelmed and lost. But there's times in this chaotic life of mine where there's a moment of intense silence in my mind. Absolute blank. But not blank. That's not the word. Stillness. Peace. A reminder that He is God. And I think sometimes.....do I even deserve this reminder from God?? I mean.....really; why isn't He fed up with me being fed up yet? With me being ungrateful, spiteful, unfaithful, down right sinful at times, and doubting His abilities to know what I need, and provide me with it? Or going in the opposite direction of where he is trying to lead me, even when I know with every fiber of my being that it's the wrong direction? Why hasn't He abandoned me entirely? I would've given up on me so many years ago and yet He refuses to. And I think why? Why isn't He so disappointed in me that He just leaves me to figure it out all alone? He keeps tugging at my heart and I feel Him wanting to make everything okay. Wanting to bless me. Wanting to take me places. To a place of no worry, of Happiness and prosperity. I feel Him praying for me (when I should be the one praying to Him) praying that I would stop fighting to fix everything on my own. Praying that I would stop acting like I know it all when I don't. Praying that I would go to church more, and that I would sin less, praying that one day He will get through to me and I will finally trust in Him whole-heartily....entirely. Not partially. Not sometimes....kind of an on and off type of thing, but believing in Him and what He can do for me always. I want to know Him so much so that my flesh can No longer have any say in my life what so ever. I want to be so close to Jesus that His thoughts are my thoughts. His footsteps are my footsteps. That God and my every feeling, words, or actions are alike in every way. But I don't feel like I am doing what I need to do to get that close to Him. I feel like He has held my hand my whole life in fear that if he didn't I might walk away from Him entirely. I want to be so connected to Him that He can let go of my hand and I will still follow Him. He has been there my whole life for me through the worst times ever and never let go, even when I was the one pushing Him away. I guess what I am trying to say is I want to be the one reaching for His hand. Believing in Him the way He believes in me. I want to invest as much time in Him as He has invested and continues to invest in me. I want to pray to Him more for guidance and not myself or my family or the world. I want to worship Him more. I want to have not even the shadow of a doubt in my mind as to what He is capable of doing in my life when I let Him. Because I know He can perform Miracles. I have seen Him do it. I am a walking miracle. I could've very well been dead quite a few times in my life now, and yet I am still here. He saved me so many times from events that could have been devestating. I know I have a purpose. I want to fulfil His goals for me. I want to walk in the path He laid out for me before I even knew this earth. I want......to make Him proud. I want the day I get to Heaven to be able to say to Him.....I did everything you needed me to do on earth God, instead of saying...."Lord, I did everything I wanted to and nothing you've required of me" I don't want what I want anymore....I want what He wants. So now it's time to start giving Him my all so that He can start getting me to where He's always needed me to be. Starting today. No excuses. No more games. I will Fight to be who He wants me to be even if I have to tear my flesh to peices and break myself down. I will, if it means pleasing Him. Because God's love.....his approval of my life means more to me than anything else. I am going to prove the world wrong, prove my flesh wrong, that they don't have power over me. That God does. That their influence in my life is not stronger that the Lords. I was made to be an Eagle. A warrior. So I will wear this armor as it says in the bible that the Lord has fully equipped me with and I will live to please Him from now on. The past is dead. By His grace I am changed. Whatever it takes. I surrender humbly to you Lord. Your will is mine as well. AMEN.

"I intend on doing right all the time, but intentions, as good as they may be, don't always turn out the way we intended." ~Brianna Carey

Quote about Not Settling

"Don't ever settle for Less because there is someone out there with More who wants to share it all with you."

~Brianna Carey