I can rearrange this room
all I want to
But still all I see is you
lying on that bed
Taking your last breath
It's a difficult image to shake
I make the best of my days, sure
Yet each day I walk through this door
still hoping to see your face
but instead I am faced
with a harsh reminder
Your hands are no longer mine to hold
Your soul no longer resides in this home
You are gone
Saying those three words hits me deep within
And before I even know it I begin
to cry
My eyes well up with tears
All these years I took fore granted that you'd always be here
I should have taken advantage
of every hug, every kiss
Every opportunity I missed
to tell you how much I love you
How I appreciated everything you went through
just to care for me....
You were always the one who was there for me Mommy
How do I replace
this empty space that occupies my heart?
How do I repair that which was torn apart when you left?
How do I forget this pain inside
that comes at night when no ones around?....
How do I live without
the one who made life worth living?
I don't know, but I promise I'm giving
it my all
When I fall, I try not to stay there
Although at times my heart cannot bear the hurt
It goes on beating
Believing that one day it'll all make sense
Until then.....

We Are But Dust

What it must be like to hold the weight of the worlds sins in Your hands
I cant begin to understand or even fathom
this world you shaped from just one atom
Our breath you gave from just one Adam
I can only imagine
how hard it must be
to see Your children fighting over minor differences
Putting such emphasis on religion
Rather than giving Love as You did us
Lord forgive us
we are but dust without You....

His Grace

Listening for Your faint voice
Though it's difficult through all the noise of life
So many questions "Why?"
And as I
await the answers that only You can give
I live with the hope that in time
You will fortify my mind, and my soul
To not only know what You know
but also grow to be in Your likeness
Help me to fight this
flesh that's just
incessant upon going against Your will
Heal this heart of all its impurities
Anger, Pride....all of these iniquities
that are preventing me
from serving Your purpose
Make worth of this being
that the world may see as worthless
I know You can
You already told me of Your plans
To prosper me
Plans to give me hope and a future
Im relying on You to suture
these brutal wounds I've suffered
at the cruel hands of others
Cover me in Your grace
Replace my despair with hope
Give me peace so that I may cope with my losses
These crosses Ive been bearing
are wearing on my soul
But I know You wont leave me to carry them on my own
And that knowledge alone
is enough to keep going
no matter what storm I'm given
For Your grace alone is sufficient.

John 14:6 Try Him

I receive confirmation that Jesus is the way, the light and the truth because of how many people try and sway me from believing it. A lot of religions are attacked but Christianity seems to upset people on an entirely different level. When I was practicing Buddhism no one seemed to question my faith, I'd post stuff and everyone would nod and agree and I wouldn't receive any kind of backlash or pushback. Then I was saved in Christ and the arguments started, the people came out of the woodwork trying to convince me otherwise, and I had to ask myself, why is that? Could it possibly be because it makes people feel convicted? Could it be that it brings light to areas the world wanted to stay shaded? Why does just the name Jesus alone stir people up? And when I ask that question, I get this answer. There's something about Jesus that makes people see the error of their ways, when I first came to know Him, I too pushed back because I began to feel guilty for what I had done, regretful in what I was doing. Then came the hesitation to continue to walk on that wrong path. All these feelings arose, the Light was shown upon things I wanted to keep hidden about myself. But eventually I stopped pushing back and allowed Him to change me internally because I realized it was for the better. I know He's real because of how many try and convince me He isn't. No other time in my life, but when I found Christ, did anyone try and change my mind or get me to live in a different way. I believe everyone truly deep down knows what believing in Jesus can do for your life and some people who know that want to keep you from Good things, they want to keep you from blessings, from favor, from the love, the peace and forgiveness that comes from God. But no thanks, I've been there done that and all it got me was some of the worst bouts of depression and the deepest feeling of loneliness I've ever had. I'd much rather believe in Jesus and know He is with me than to be out there thinking the answers are "within me", because I looked for years "internally" for the answers and came up with nothing but a void, a lacking, a longing desire BUT the second Jesus came to me, that void was filled, that longing was replaced by His love. Do I still have questions about life? Of course, Im human; but am I still lacking a sense of completeness? Not in the slightest. I no longer feel empty. I no longer feel alone. I know He is with me. I look at life differently now because I look at death differently. Im able to enjoy life more now because I know this isn't it. Living is eternal for me. I get to live out my days in the Light basking in His presence and even after "this life", I get to. I have peace and comfort after losing relatives now because I know I get to see them again, even better than they were before. I get to not fear death because I know what it brings. I cant imagine going through this life never having known Jesus, and thinking that this life is all there is. Im so thankful He found me. I didn't find Him. He found me and showed me that it was Him I was missing. I still get sad on days but I dont stay there in that sadness anymore because He rescued me from it. Get to know Him. I promise you it will be the greatest decision of your life. You've tried everything else, right? Why not try Jesus?

Be Love. 

My daddy said some wise words to me this morning when I expressed my frustration with rude people, he said to me "You have to just accept them. Now when I say accept Im not speaking of tolerance or enduring. No, it's not that you tolerate them or even have to endure what they do, you accept them for all they are and just try and understand they have to live with that anger or bitterness 24 hours a day you only have to encounter it for a brief moment, so in that moment, be the bigger person, accept them, and dont react the same way they expect you to but instead in the way Jesus would, with acceptance."  - Donald E. Carey ©

:') Beautiful huh. I have a great daddy. So today I am reminded walk in Love and Acceptance.