A Positive Vibe

Verse 1: In the background, I heard the church bells ringing
Hit the snooze button, then I woke up singing
"It's such a beautiful day, the sun is shining bright, the clouds are far away!"
It's just a positive vibe
I got my feet upon the beach, this melody and good times, yeah
Hakuna matata is my motto
Threw my cares away and now I'm learning how to let go
I wish I knew it from the get go
All you gotta do is live your Truth and freedom follows....

Chorus: Where am I going, what's my hurry?
Marley told me not to worry
About a thing, so I think I'll just sing
Another song, I could be wrong
But man I think....
This life is just a lesson
We gotta stay focused on the blessings
What's going right within this life, not what's going wrong
So wont you join me in this light and sing along.

"Time is a construct.
You can make a minute last for an hour or an hour last for but a minute." - Brianna Carey

Amidst The Silence

As I sit amidst the stillness
My body emits a calm and peaceful bliss
Rejuvinating energy transmits
As tranquility comes to sit beside me
and I begin smiling....
for no particular reason
I guess I was simply needing
to be alone with You.

The Awakening

Some nights, I attempt to close my eyes
But my mind is wide awake
Almost as if to make time refrain from forward motion
As the sound of the ocean in the distance
Reverberates within my existence
A persistent pull towards my dreams
beckons me like a lover who calls my soul
by a name that only he could know
And these seeds planted within me lifetimes ago
They begin to awaken to the Light
that had been waiting in the night all along
Like a bird witholding its song for the dawn of a new day
My past fades into the horizon
Just as the moon steps aside when
the Sun is ready to shine
So must my ego if my divine self is to truly thrive.

The mark of maturity of ones soul is when someone hurts you, you feel no desire to hurt them in return. And when upon being offended, you question what about yourself needs to change, rather than feeling a need to change the one who offended you.

- Brianna Carey

LOVE IS A JOURNEY

If you asked me to walk down this path, I would walk it without hesitation
Impatiently patient
But I'm wearing a blindfold, just trusting that we'll grow together,
find Love in forever
Yet I know it's a risk, so much is at stake
What if in the end, you dont feel the same way
I guess there's one way to know
Step into the unknown and just flow.....

Chorus:
Like a river runs into the sea
I'll flow into you effortlessly
You and me, we're on that same frequency
Riding the vibes like waves in the ocean
Just hoping to reach the shore
And lay with you there
While we stare at the stars.

Verse 2:
This attraction is so matter of fact and this passion just flows through me ceaselessly
Ever increasingly
With my mind on you always, I walk down my hallway just smiling
Im trusting the timing
Yet, I know it's a risk, so much I could lose
But if in the end, I still end up with you
Then the wait would be worth it
Dont you know that you're perfect, it's true....

Chorus:
Like a river runs into the sea
I'll flow into you effortlessly
You and me, we're on that same frequency
Riding the vibes like waves in the ocean
Just hoping to reach the shore
And lay with you there
While we stare at the stars.

Bridge:
As I lie in your embrace
My worries begin to fade
Gazing into your eyes I see
I see a Love that was meant to be
What if you took my hand and we
Walked upon the Heavens, into galaxies
Just trusting this journey will unfold
No doubts and no worries, I know....
It's quite hard for us both to do
But this spark between me and you
It's true and it's rare as well
I guess only time will tell
If you'll stay here with me....

Chorus:
Like a river runs into the sea
I'll flow into you effortlessly
You and me, we're on that same frequency
Riding the vibes like waves in the ocean
Just hoping to reach the shore
And lay with you there
While we stare at the stars. 

Angel Overhead

Verse 1: Tell me could this be
As I was walking along this broken street
I heard an angel overhead begin to speak
He told me leave it all behind and follow me
Mmmm mmmm
So I dropped my bags.... immediately
There in the distance I could see all my dreams
Manifesting, they were waiting for me
To finally let go, so that I could be free
To fulfill the purpose
You know that it's been worth it
All these struggles I faced, have given me faith to work it

Chorus: So.... here I am
Ive got this pen here, in these hands
I got big dreams yeah, but I got no plans
No direction I'm heading in but
Yet I got a feeling
That everything will be revealed in
His perfect time, so theres no reason
For me to fret, it's just a season
And seasons change
All the time


Verse 2: Tell me can you hear
These hidden vibes within the wind, they seem so clear
They whisper Heaven on their lips, they speak "dont fear".
Infinity, the universe awaits us here.
Mmmm mmmm
If you listen close, inevitably...
You'll hear that hope lies in this melody
Your destiny, awaits patiently
For you to let go, so that you could be free
To fulfill your purpose
You know that it's been worth it
All these struggles you've faced, have given you faith to work it

Chorus 2: Oh.... here we are
We've got these gifts yeah, but we still got scars
We got big dreams yeah, but we got no plans
No direction we're heading in but
Yet we got a feeling
That everything will be revealed in
His perfect time, so theres no reason
For us to fret, it's just a season
And seasons change
All the time

Bridge: I saw a light in the dark
It was dim, I found a Rock and set a spark
And now its blazing, rearranging my soul
Deep within, I feel a fire begin to grow
Who feels it knows it, now I know
Yes, now I know
Everything happens for a reason
Time only lasts for a season
This too shall pass, just keep believing.

(Hums without words till Instrumental melody fades out) 

Nesta Love

I saw you there
As I was sittin on the cusp of of the moon
I saw with your dark brown hair
And captivating eyes, so blue
I knew if could have you
My life would be complete
And I would get through
Any situation I was trapped in, I could face it
Cuz my focus I would place it all... on you.

Mmmmm mmmm

Chorus: And if you asked me, I would give you my heart
And if I could I would bring to you, the stars
And if that wasn't enough, I'd give you my soul
Because it's you, it's truly you that makes me whole
And if you asked me, I would give you the world
Because I treasure you more than diamonds and pearls
And if that wasn't enough, I'd give you my heart
Because it's you, it's truly you that makes it spark.

Verse 2: Then I saw you singing
As I was laying on your bed in the room
I saw you with your light so bright
I just couldn't take my eyes off you
I knew if I could keep you
My life would be complete
and I would get through
any situation I was trapped in I could face it
Cuz my focus I would place it all... on you.

Mmmm mmmmm

Chorus: And if you asked me, I would give you my heart
And if I could I would bring to you, the stars
And if that wasn't enough, I'd give you my soul
Because it's you, it's truly you that makes me whole
And if you asked me, I would give you the world
Because I treasure you more than diamonds and pearls
And if that wasn't enough, I'd give you my heart
Because it's you, it's truly you that makes it spark.

Bridge: You're so mesmerizing,
I see the seasons in your eyes and
To my surprise these beautiful vibes begin to bloom
in the garden that is me and you
Tell me, do ya feel it too?
Can you feel that this is true?
Tell me, what is it I can do
For you to ask me....

End Chorus: Ask me to give you my heart
I'm being patient, though I've loved you from the start
I believe that we were written in the stars
A love divine
It's so sublime
Oh here you are
And here I am
What do ya say, let's make a plan
To spend forever here together on the sand....
Just hold my hand
Wont you hold my hand
Darling hold my hand
And tell me I'm yours
Mmmmm....

The Narrow Road

On this narrow road, I travel on my own
Although I do not walk alone
I have One who walks before me, beside me and behind me
So it's not likely that I'll ever get lost
But should I happen to wander off,
He'll leave the 99 to come find me
For I am His and I always will be.

- Brianna Carey

I am Worthy. I am Loved.

God please remove any loneliness from my heart. Take away the need for someone to tell me they love me in order for me to feel validated. Remind me that I am valued, that I am loved eternally by you and that Your grace alone truly is sufficient. My God, please keep me. Carry me. Help me find myself in You again. Somewhere along the way, I took a wrong turn and wandered into the desert where I was tempted, bring me back Abba. Bring me out of the desert to flowing springs of living water and manna. Bring me to the foot of the cross where mercy lives, and take from my hands there any burdens I am holding, anything that does not serve me or glorify You, REMOVE IT. Allow me to return to the shelter of your care and just lie there, in Your arms of loving forgiveness and grace. Hear the groaning of my soul in the utterance of Your Holy Spirit, and act. In Jesus name, I pray, amen.

-

I am sitting here right now in my room watching the sunset with a sense of gratitude to be able to witness His grandeur and power in nature and bask in not only the sun but the knowledge that the same God who created the sun, the moon, and the stars, knew me before I was even formed in my mother's womb and numbered the very hairs on my head. Yet, I have allowed insecurities and past hurts to overshadow His love for me. Somewhere in my life, I accepted the lie that I am not worthy. But I pray that little by little, He restores my sight to be just as His. That when I look at myself I would see myself as He does, fearfully and wonderfully made, one who broke the mold. Worthy. Because He created me. He looked over everything else that was perfect with His creation and yet He said, 'no.... the world still needs HER.'

I am here for a reason. I am here to fulfill a purpose for His glory and I WILL NOT give up. I will walk through pain, I will walk through tears and I will walk down every broken road with my head held high because I KNOW, I do not walk alone. There is someONE there, hidden by a veil thinner than the wind, and I feel Him in every fiber of my being, because He is not only near me, but in me. I am His, and He is mine. My perfect portion. All that I will ever need. I am so grateful to know that He will never leave me, nor forsake me. That there is no darkness that can dim His light. That I will forever be in His care because there is nothing, that can ever separate me from His love. Not death nor life, not angels nor demons, not my fears for today nor my worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate me from my Abba's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, NOTHING in all of creation will ever be able to separate me from the love of God that is revealed in Jesus Christ.

I am His. He is mine.
I am worthy. I am loved.
He is more than enough.

- Brianna Carey 

I feel so scared and alone.
Its eerily quiet in my home.
Unanswered questions echo in my mind so in essence, I guess its actually quite loud.
I do not know how to quiet the noise.
How to silence the voice
that says "no one cares", "No one is there for you"
Because I know that voice isn't true
And yet still I hang my head in the solitude of this quiet living room in which I sit
as the tears drip down my face
I whisper into the space that surrounds me
"God please surround me once more with Your peace, Abba, please."

- Brianna Carey 

Oh Christmas Tree....

Ya'll.

I am just now taking my Christmas tree down. Sweet Lord Jesus I kid you not. And I share this unashamedly because honestly I think it's a very human thing and if you're one of the few who take it down on January 1st, God bless your admirable heart, but I think there's at least a few in my tribe and that's okay too.

What was once a brilliant and beautiful tree, that brought an ambiance of light and warmth into my home, now sat in the corner, looking more like a dusty, broke down, Charlie Brown, shadow of its former self.

Yall, its not difficult to take down a tree at all, lol, YET here I am on the morning of Summer Solstice just now doing it. I looked at that tree in the corner today with determination and with the utmost confidence in my mind I said, "TODAY..... I AM TAKING YOU DOWN!" It made me laugh but also, I saw myself in that tree and paused... I thought... In the same way I neglected that tree in the corner, I have neglected myself. I have allowed the "dust" of life to cover me and keep me from my true brilliance. My Light was turned off. The dust of Worry, Self-Pity, Stress, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Financial Strain, etc. had settled on my soul like Pompeii. There I sat in a corner, frozen, paralyzed mentally, spiritually and physically for MONTHS.

But just like my drab little Christmas tree, today, I am going to take it down. Depression... I AM TAKING YOU DOWN. Worry... DOWN. Anxiety... DOWN, you catch my drift. Basically, I AM DONE. I refuse to sit in that corner, you know the corner I'm talking about right, the one where you make up every excuse as to why you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself, yeah that one... I am not staying there a moment longer wallowing in self pity, being a victim of my circumstances, acting like no one cares and no one wants to help when I wont even help myself. The insanity of that last sentence blows my mind.

Am I saying I'll never experience bad days ever again or that my mental illness will just go away forever like that magical carriage that turned into a pumpkin in that one Disney movie, NO. Not likely, seeing as just like any organ in our frail humanbodies, the brain also gets sick and needs to heal, mine is sick and so I will allow myself that grace to heal. But what I will NOT do anymore is allow myself to stay stuck in my sorrow, when I KNOW where my help comes from. IT COMES FROM THE LORD. And I have family and friends who DO CARE about me and want to help me desperately, bless their hearts, but they cant help me when I wont even help myself. As hard as they may try, the truth is, they cannot fix my way of thinking. They cannot go into my brain and rewire things that will help me view the world and my situation better. I am the one responsible for that. I know the skills, training and tools that will help me but it is literally up to me to USE them. Then and only then can kind words of encouragement, advice and love serve me at all. Knowledge has to be applied in order to work. You can have a spare tire in your trunk all you want to, but if you dont get it out when you have a flat tire, and swap that bad boy out, guess what.... You ain't going anywhere until you do.

I am not a victim. I am not someone to be pitied. I am not alone, out here on my own. That is the biggest lie. I have a Father in Heaven for one, who tells me "My yoke is easy and my burden is Light", and I do have people who love me and want me to be well and not sad. The world is not against me. I am not stuck, I simply allowed the dust of life's struggles to settle on me to the point of such heaviness that it felt like I could not move. But it's time for me to get up now. It's time to wash my face, shake off the dust, get out of the corner, turn on my light again, and shine brilliantly because God did not create me, "A city on a hilltop", to sit with my lights off, not serving my purpose for Him.

Gods word says: "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." - Philippians 4:8 NLT

In order for me to improve my wellbeing and my life overall, I have to fix my thinking. I have to use the tools I have been given by God. This may be a lifelong repair ya'll, because the wrong way of thinking I had built did not come to fruition overnight but today, right now in this moment.... Construction has begun, and I cannot wait to see what God helps me build when I apply myself and apply His word in my life. No more sitting there watching helplessly as life, REAL LIFE, the kind of life God intends for me, filled with joy, love, light and happiness, just passes me by. Nope. I am simply, utterly and indefinitely done doing that.

Thank You Jesus for epiphanies that come from the something as trivial as taking down a dusty Christmas tree, 6 months too late. YOUR WAYS ARE MYSTERIOUS AND MAGICAL AND NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME.

- Brianna Carey.

Seated in Humility

Life has taught me that it is perfectly okay to cry it out when you feel defeated. To grieve over losses, both big and small, regardless of whether the world sees it as a silly thing to fret about, if it matters to you then it matters, so you grieve it beloved until your heart heals. These losses can include unattained dreams, goals that fell through, the death of someone who meant the world to us, a broken heart from a lost love or even just something as simple as a day where you accomplished absolutely nothing when you had a to do list ready and now you feel like a lazy bum.... (Hello, me today, that last one.) Any and ALL losses are okay to grieve so the healing process can begin.

Each day, as you learn to let go of every individual expectation you created for how your life would go, where you'd be right now in life, what you would have accomplished by now, etc. etc., you'll slowly return to the present moment which is truly the only moment that is tangible and real. You'll begin to recognize that all you have done already is actually more than enough and all that remains in your life after counting your losses, is still quite succifient to provide for your needs. Maybe not your wants, but definitely your needs.

All of the effort it took before to remain grateful will begin to ease as you accept that your humanness is frail and that you should never had set those expectations upon yourself to begin with.

I dont know about you but expectations are no longer a burden I am willing to bare. What if my life today is all it ever will be? Will I spend the rest of my life bitter over it because it did not measure up to something I imagined in my head it would be? Will I really miss out on the joy of the present moment simply because it isnt what I wanted? That would be insanity and I do not want to live that kind of life or have that kind of attitude towards my life. No.... I am BLESSED. Has life been hard on my heart? Most definitely, but it has also been incredibly kind to me at times. It's all what I choose to focus on and I have to remind myself not to stand upon a pedistool of expectation when viewing my life but instead from a seated position of humility where I can clearly see how truly fortunate I have been. Perspective is everything.

I am grateful for today, for the tears I shed, for doing absolutely nothing, for being true to the present moment and how I am feeling in it. Tomorrow may or may not be the same but it will certainly BE, either way. And however it turns out, I will be okay with it because life is a plethora of unexpected events, some beautiful and some devastating, all of which serve a purpose in shaping me into the person I was created to be.

Thank You Jesus for my life. Thank You for the tears, the losses, the gains, the joy and the pain I have experienced. Thank You for Your grace to endure and for Your mercy on the days when I cannot. Thank You for loving me endlessly.... for without Your love, my life would be obsolete. I pray for peace that surpasses my understanding, for eyes that seek out the good in myself and in others, for ears that listen to Your word, and a soul that absorbs Your word like good soil, may they be planted and grow, transforming me into who You created me to be. In Jesus name, I pray, amen.

- Brianna Carey

By Evening

She awakes each morning with a desire to change. A desire to do better. To refrain from making the same mistakes as yesterday. By afternoon that desire fades along with the smile on her face. She slips into old habits, you know, they fit so comfortably. By evening, she's all but had it with life and all its inhabitants, because despite her best efforts to do better, this world....this cruel, unforgiving world.... it simply wont let her. 

- Brianna Carey