The True Testiment of this Life......

I wonder though....us modern day people....are we so different today from the Galileans who surveyed Jesus and then turned the Roman Empire upside down? Have we not surveyed the ways of others....and for simply not understanding there ways, or all together not agreeing with them....we then turned the world upside down in an attempt to create a perfection and order that is consistent with our own belief system and our way of life? I.E. (the Iraqi war, China and Tibet, Israel and Palestine.....just to name a few) A perfection which is impossible to obtain to begin with. Because All on earth were created uniquely and individually, each "imperfection" in itself is indeed Perfect in a sense, seeing as each breath, each thought, our hearts desires, every characteristic that makes us....Us; was Meant to be part of our personal being. And since nothing we Are.....or what we Believe was placed in us mistakenly, then why is it we Demand the world, and everyone in it be the same.....to share the same ways of thinking.....of life.....of religion, and every other aspect of our existence, when we were created Specifically to be different. I believe the true testament to this life, and our actions in it, is Can we as Human Beings set aside our differences and coexist with the simple common knowledge that we just......ARE.

"Open Book"

You've given me the gift to write
and blessed me with the ability to sing
No longer will I fight
to keep these gifts within
I will share them with the world
in hopes that they will understand
the heart that once was a little girl
and the soul that's becoming a woman
The battles that I've fought
the laughter and the pain
The morals that I was taught
and the truth I've come to gain
My soul I will now bare
for everyone to see
My personal secrets I will share
the words you read are a part of me
If I can change just one life
with the words that I have written
I'll be completely satisfied
and know my life was worth living
All the nights when I felt so alone
someone out there felt the same
All of the times when I'd cry at home
someone was feeling my pain
When I had my doubts
and thought it was the end
Someone else was crying out
just like me....searching for a friend
When I overcame the hurt
some one's pain had gone
The day I found out what love was worth
Someone had the same feeling all along
So with each word that you read
My happiness is being restored
Acknowledgement from others I no longer need
For your understanding means so much more.

"Healing Note"

Within me there is a weakness
through music I find a relief that's....
kind of hard to explain
Each note helps me maintain
and regain the strength that I need
in order to succeed
I feed on every single beat
So when I'm out on the street
I can defeat any problem that comes my way
and on that note I will pray
So listen closely as I say
I will not back down from this fight
because I believe I too have a right
despite the battles I've lost, and the weakness I find
I will not quit....not this time
I rhyme with a confidence I've never had
No longer is my soul sad
I'm glad to have been blessed with the gift of music
and since I've been given the ability to use it
I won't abuse it....nor neglect it any longer
For music is the reason I've become that much stronger.

You and I....Intertwined

Anytime I am near you
I get butterflies
When I kiss your lips it's like....
fireworks on the fourth of July
Like watching the sunrise
my heart doubles in size
And as I try to catch my breath
I slip back into this trance
and drift to the depths of romance
As you softly caress my soul with your hands
I am conscious
but in a whole other state of mind
With you time......stands still
and I feel our souls connect
and in that very moment
we become one
Overwhelmed by Love
and then my love.....
you squeeze me tight
As we both take flight
We release our sighs
Looking into each others eyes
we kiss goodnight
Until we awake to the morning sunrise
It's so right
I'm still in your arms
where I belong.

In My Skin

Is an image all I can get?
I'm stealing souls....
hoping to find that one will fit
And yet....
I'm still in this hole
society has dug
and I cannot fun free
until I depart from their so called tranquility
What if ultimately.....
the true nature of things
isn't the way you think it is?
And what if Normal....
isn't quite the way it seems?
It seems to me....
the minorities
add up to be
more than the majority
So....tell me
How am I of minority
Ah....now you find yourself questioning....
you see....
It's called enlightenment
or somewhat of an epiphany
That's awakened your mind
it's allowed you to see
from that invisible third eye
Yes....that's right
The third eye....I call it the "blind man's sight"
Give me a light
I'm tired of hiding
the person I am
I'm not perfect
so I'm not accepted in this land
The land of the free?
I doubt it highly
You tape my mouth shut
so that I cannot speak
What you desire so badly is the truth
that you won't let yourself receive
Then you wonder why you are not truly happy
It's because you try to be
the image you see around you
You mimic those who surround you
You'll bite your tongue
before ever speaking a word
because God forbid
someone may find your absurd
or even worse....you may finally feel free
being yourself
and making others face reality
Introducing Me....
I am Black, Irish, German, and Cherokee
I like simplicity
I'm not too complicated
I'm all real and not fake
On days that are sunny
I can really be funny
but on days that are cloudy
I can sometimes get rowdy
but don't most people?
I treat everyone and everything equal
The way it should be
It's what I believe
that all you give out
you will receive.....eventually
A butterfly will spread it's wings and fly away
but it will, without a doubt,
return someday.....
Well most of the time anyway
See what I'm trying to say
is that people are subject to change
To go through many stages
and sometimes act strange
Even let out hidden rages
But it's okay
Don't be ashamed
You'll find yourself someday
And when you do
Some people may reject the real You
But always stay true....
to yourself, and never doubt
who you are
Be your own star
Don't spend a moment of your life
pretending to be
someone you're not
to make others happy
If you do
You'll never feel free
You'll always feel lost and incomplete
That's why I made a promise to me
that I'll be Me only
Because that's all I can be
Just simply Brianna Carey
Regardless of your pressures
to myself I've stayed true
Although I didn't meet your measures
I can say....I'm happier than you.
You can spend your life being fake if you want to
But I'm going to love all of me...while you're hating you
Because I am happy in my skin
my soul lifted within
The weights been lifted from my hands
Suddenly all of me seems beautiful again....
The color of my skin so lovely
My curves so shapely
My face....has flaws
yet it's leaving me in aw
My chubby cheeks
Even my crooked teeth
seem to impress me....
I feel oh so sexy
My reflection's suddenly given me a reason to smile
I feel like I could run for miles
From my stretch marks
to the P.H.A.T. on my thighs
From my hips
right up to my eyes....
I feel security
in all of me
Knowing that I can finally be me
Knowing that it's okay
Makes it easier to breathe
Now that I'm able to be free
I'm so proud to say
that finally.....I'm truly happy.

"Sun-Kissed"

There's something about when the sun hits my face
it lifts me to a whole other place
A place with no fear
No anger.....no worry
It's warmth dries my tears
and I feel....so happy
That God has allowed me to breathe
just one more day
So I could bare witness
to the beauty he has displayed
The sun.....a loving reminder
that darkness doesn't last forever
You get through the bad weather
When the storm dies....
you survive to start anew
The sun shines....the sky blue
There's a feeling of sweet bliss
A tingling feeling of pure happiness
I call it Sun-kissed. :)

My Mind a Black Hole

Darkness speaks to me
Afraid at first
of what I may see
but to my surprise
my eyes opened
and there was Peace
No jaded form of conscious
Just bliss
and in the midst of said awakening
I can't feel a thing
My mind, my body, my soul are one
My heart sing
the beating like drums
I overcome my convictions
the weight lifted
in a way; my world shifted
A rare gift that....many do not receive
A second chance to breathe
A feeling of Free
A rebirth.....touched by mother earth
A view of the whole world
from a perspective so pure
Uncorrupted by false knowledge
My mind is....
an open door
A black hole....I'm listening
Tell me more.....

Quote about Love by Brianna Carey

"If Love is the easiest thing to give or receive......then why is Losing Love the Hardest thing to take."

~Brianna Carey

Fully Assembled By The Hands Of God....

You know what! I am NOT Perfect! I am a little clingy....I Do Love too much....I Do fall in Love easily.....call me a hopeless romantic if you will. I may even talk to much for your liking....heck....I hardly ever shut up! But you know what. I am a great person. With one of the kindest souls you will ever come across. I would literally give the clothes off my back and walk naked so that someone else could be clothed and warm.....I am that type of woman. A selfless woman who always thinks of others first before I dare get myself something. A woman who would give her last dollar to her name in a heartbeat if someone needed it. That's just me....I give give give and hardly ever take. I never ask anyone to pay me back. I never say to anyone I come across "you owe me"....Not even a complete stranger! That's the type of woman I am. That's the woman my parents raised and the woman God created. So I am sorry if it makes you feel overwhelmed that I care about you and that you are too much of a chicken to tell me "I don't want your help Bri....Leave me Alone" Is that so much to ask of people....just so much as a little Respect? No....it is Not! Honesty....that should just come naturally but for some it doesn't. And it blows my mind! You don't like me the way I am....fine.....whatever! Deuces to you and may I show you the door? And trust me when I say you just lost the type of friend who goes the extra mile...heck the extra 50 miles and then some for her friends and puts others first before herself. So much so that I have actually damaged myself with so much emotional and psychological baggage that I have acquired over the years and carried on my heart for the people who have hurt me and for the people I care about deeply....to lighten their load so it's not so heavy so that I myself could very well be on the verge of a mental overload. There is only so much that one human being can carry. That weight on my shoulders can only be so heavy before my knees buckle beneath me and Dang it....I am close to that point right now! I am just sick and tired of people judging me....acting as though I am a burden to be friends with. Like they are too good for me or don't have the time to waste talking to me.....but that's not even the problem. I don't care if they don't want to talk to me the rest of their lives. The problem is that they keep talking to me even long after they've decided that they don't like me! What the heck is that?!! Why be phony?!! And I can't help that I care "TOO" much as if that were actually a bad thing. So if anyone dislikes me for who I am and can't open there narrow minds to see that. Then they can exit stage left! I'm No charity case....if you don't like me....Then you Don't!!! Don't fake liking me because you feel sorry for me or something. Don't be phony and pretend that you care about me at all....Please have no pity on what you feel to be "poor little Brianna's fragile itty bitty whittle heart"! Take your pity elsewhere and you can take your baggage with you. I don't need this stuff right now man! I am so fed up! Ugh....Why can't people just take me for who the heck I am. When you first met me I was Brianna!! I've continued to be Brianna!!! And I will remain Brianna Colleen Carey until I breathe my last breath on this earth and for all eternity! So take your pity somewhere it's needed because it's not needed here! That's for dang sure! I got this! I'm straight! I am trying to be here for you! Not the other way around. I don't need any one's charity friendship....Help yeah....maybe on occasion I need help but definitely not pity! I don't need you for that! And for the times that you don't wanna help me at all....well I got God to step in. None other than the G....O....D! And my man Jesus...they got my back and that's enough to carry me through the times when no human being wants to help! And don't act like you aren't being phony to me because God also blessed me with a gift to feel when someone dislikes me....you can be miles away from me or right next to me but either way.....no matter how great of an actor or actress you think you may be....you still can't fake vibes.....not with me. I know what you are really thinking and or feeling at any given moment in time so you might as well fess up! Be real with me is all I am asking for once. Tell me what you really think of me!~ Don't be scared and Don't sugarcoat! How do you feel about Brianna Carey huh? I'm not a baby....and I am sick of people treating me as though I am. I'm also tired of people acting as though I am the only one on this earth who cries or has a bad dang on day! No.....I'm not! I shed tears.....you bet your behind I shed tears! Just like any other human being....after all I have been through these past few years....Heck my whole life matter of fact. I deserve my tears....I've earned them mothers!! I've earned my moments of struggle and from my struggle stems my wisdom! So don't you feel bad for me! I just want one person to show me something good! Is there anyone left in this world or am I just fishing for a good soul in a sea of evil? What the Heck? Just tell me.....is there anyone out there who doesn't trample on a soul that has already been brutally wounded in the past?? Anyone?? Because if they are out there...I need to see just one. Because I am losing faith in this world slowly but surely! Tell me why do people (seemingly nice people) take joy in Crapping on the ONE person who gives a dang about them?? The ONE person who genuinely cares for them.....ME?! Why....when out of all the phony fake behind "friends" you think you have in this world (who really don't give two squirts of you know what about you or it's 9 out of 10 times likely they are just using you until you are all used up and then they are on to the next) why.....tell me why would you want to crap on the ONE genuine real person who would cut out her heart if yours stopped beating to keep you alive?? Why I ask you? That's what the heck I want to know! Can't you decipher the real from the fake? Can't you see that those people who seem to be so Perfect.....so well Spoken....so Put Together....who don't seem to have a single thing wrong with them at all.....not one flaw and seem so Gosh darn full of themselves....can't you see that they are Full of some of the Richest Most Rank Manure to ever be found on earth! I am talking they are more fake than a prosthetic body part!~ Nobody....And I mean Nobody is that perfect! Not one of us on this dang earth! The only difference between those people pretending and I....is that I can't hide my emotions.....I wear them on my sleeve for the world to see and do with it as they please and all I can pray for it that they will see me for the sweet and kind woman that I am and not take advantage of my Love that I give out so plentifully....so unconditionally to anyone and I do mean anyone and any creature I see to be in need of it. I have the deepest depths of my soul practically written across my for head in Neon Lights!~ And instead of seeing me for who I am and accepting me in all my flaws....you run from me or dis me behind my back yet you smile in my face! You take joy in belittling my personality and making me out to be some few screws loose in the head woman who can't control herself....a woman who'd be lost without you. That is you stopped talking to me I'd slit my dang wrists or something! Are you fricking serious?!! Really? Who in the heck do you think you are.....the second coming or something?? Because that is the only friend I would perish without is God! I'm not weak! I have more strength than people give me credit for. There is a HUGE difference between being sensitive and maybe even a little naive and being weak and unable to stand on my own two feet. I am a very sensitive person. A gift and a curse really.....I get hurt because of it.....a lot. Quite often actually.....even sometimes unintentionally I am hurt by friends.....because I Love so strong and care so deeply that I feel what they are feeling. When they hurt....I hurt. When they feel anger I feel it. Same with all other emotions they feel. And that is one gift Not in my power to control. And yes! I am naive....I'm not afraid to admit that. You could play me if you really wanted to. I'd fall for it. No doubt in my mind that I would because despite the fact that I get my heart battered over and over again....(too many times to count) yet and still I continue to give out my Love.....I continue to Care. Truly a gift and a curse like I said....because there are those who are honest and don't take advantage of me (the gift) but instead....give me the same Respect and Love and Care in return. Those are the people I thank God for. True Friends....but unfortunately....they aren't the majority. On the other hand (the curse) are the ones who abuse my kindness and take advantage of me repeatedly. And frankly....and I am being very frank right now. I'm fed up! I want to see more kindness. I'm just tired of it ya know. I'm tired of being used and used....it hurts ya know! Dang! I mean....what am I supposed to do? I care! Why do I care?? Well when you come up with an answer to that one....please DO let me know!~ I continue to forgive and forgive as people continue to take and take from me......until ME is gone forever. But I will never stop being this way though although many try to turn me Cold and Emotionless. I won't stop because I'd much rather be the kind person who loves TOO much and cares TOO much than be the person on the other end who is Cold and Phony. Well....if you want Cold and Phony then you definitely don't want me as a friend at all....because I can't even pretend to be fake. I don't even have that ability....so while I'm being out in the open with everyone! For your information....YES I do cry, I do get sad....but NO I'm not suicidal Nor am I depressed. YES I do hurt...but NO I am Not Fragile. You don't have to hold me delicately in your hands.....I won't break! YES I do get pissed.....but NO I am not Bi-Polar. YES my heart has been beaten and bruised over the years....but NO....my heart is not Broken! YES....I do get lonely sometimes...but NO I won't be lost without someone by my side. YES I do care about people.....but NO....I won't die if they don't want to accept my Love or Care. YES I am Naive....No I am not simple.....Nor slow or mentally incapacitated in any way, shape, or form. And last but Not Least. YES I do trust easily....because I chose to believe that deep down there is a good seed in everyone of God's beings.....and NO I am not under the impression that that's always the case....I'm not living in some fantasy world where I think no one will ever harm me. I am NOT a Pessimist nor an Optimist.....I am a Realist....who's surprisingly optimistic! Yeah.....let that one soak into the brain a bit! I may be a little eccentric at best or a little mad at worst....but anyone who takes on as much as I do for the greater good of the world might go a little mad on occasion. But am I going to lose my mind and end up in a straight jacket? NO! I'm not insane. I am IMPERFECT. Handcrafted and made to be Original. I am a bunch of emotions and characteristics bottled into one Loving personality. I am indefinitely..........HUMAN. Thank you very much! So if anyone has a problem with that....let me know right now because as I said before. Exit Stage Left if you do! And if later you decide to like me for who I am again.....9 times out of 10 I'll forgive you and I'll go back to being there for you as if nothing ever happened. If you do chose to remain my friend. Despite my imperfections....Do me this ONE favor......ACCEPT ME AS I AM from that moment on. You can't have pieces of me that you pick and choose. I come in a Package, Pre-Made, already Fully assembled by the hands of God Himself....so don't try to change me. I am not a punching bag nor am I a door mat.....and please don't test my patience because honestly I don't know my limits of how much abuse I can handle. Currently the amount I've taken on thus far is starting to become too much. Look. I'm just ME. That's all I can be. Like I said before. My heart on my sleeve and my soul on my face. So I'm saying....please don't slap me on my face, or stab me in the sleeve. That's all I'm asking. And I really honestly don't think I'm asking too much. Do you? Listen....I love being the person I am on almost all days. But it gets hard to be nice y'all. It becomes difficult to walk the road higher....to be the bigger person. And all of the above. It's taken a lot out of me over the years. But I still have a lot of Love left in me to give. I guess I'm just saying I want people to see me as I am and truly appreciate me. I already get this from God but to get it from the occasional human being also wouldn't hurt ya know. It would help to restore my faith in mankind which is dwindling. I wrote this whole thing for the people who have hurt me and or who continue to do so. For those of you who have used me. I forgive you even though you won't apologize even though an apology is all I've really ever wanted. I still forgive you. This is meant for those who still to this day take advantage. I am a Good person. Please stop taking advantage of me. I only ask that you see past my flaws and down moments where I am not my strongest....to see all the wonderful things I have to offer as a Lover or Friend. See through to my heart.....to my soul....who out there can see me right now? And once you've seen me....all of me.....who can accept me? Can you?

A Quote about Balance by Donald Carey

"Be Quick but don't Hurry.....Be Fast....but don't Rush" ~Donald Carey (my father)

I Only Knew You For A Moment....

I only knew you for one moment in time
Though it felt as though I had known you my whole life
Caught by surprise
You caught me off guard
Smitten by your southern charm
Those gorgeous brown eyes
With a heart that could do no harm
Tattoos all down your arms
A bad boy but also a sweetheart
I still remember you after all this time
You still cross my mind
You're hard to forget to tell you the truth
Haven't found a man yet who's been quite like you
And I doubt I ever will
Find someone who with one smile made my heart skip
Who in an instant
could make me feel the way you made me feel
"Some type of a way"....you used to say
But let's just keep it real
You had me sprung....ain't no use in denying it
A feeling that strong.....there was no chance in fighting it
In my kitchen with no one around
We shared our first kiss
You planted one on me unexpected but it was pure bliss
And now I wonder....
do you even remember it?
Or me for that matter?
Probably not anymore now that you have her
But I keep wondering
The way we were talking back then
The way you held my hand
as if it were yours "already"
And how you told me you could see yourself waking up next to me
The way we both felt as though we were meant to be
It couldn't have been by accident....the way we met
It had to be destiny
The moment you looked at me
We locked eyes
You and I had an instant connection
Both headed from different states
Yet headed in the same direction
It was no mistake
The way we felt
It must have been fate
and nothing else
I'd like to think....one day we'll meet again
That our last kiss we shared by the Trax
wasn't really the end
Until then....
I will keep your memory in my mind
Even though I only knew you one tiny moment in time
It felt as though I'd already loved you my whole entire life

A Quote about Insomnia by Brianna Carey

"Awake...while the rest of the world is sleeping.....I do my best thinking"

~Brianna Carey

Can You Read Me?

I lay back with my mind on unwind
Just relax and sit back as I take you on this journey of mine
You'll find you might learn something you didn't know
grab hold of that which intising you
I'm inviting you to something phenomenal
A side to Brianna of which you did not know
Too much wisdom....too much Pride
A quality you rarely find
A woman unafraid to speak her mind
No longer do I keep quiet
When I have been disrespected
I'm calling you from "so and so"
I'm afraid your power's been disconnected
You're no longer in control
You do not hold the key to my soul
Nor determine the limits to how far I will go
No.
Now....I stand on my own
Go ahead and Tell me I won't succeed
And I'll tell you to kiss the part of me
that I myself....can not speak
Though it speaks for itself....you will see
These words I speak are genuine
They flow from within
Breathe them in and take heed to them
For I have never been more determined
to prove you wrong
All along you wanted me to fail
But that tale is far from told
I'm still writing the chapters of this soul
Can you read me?

A quote about Life by Brianna Carey

"You know.....some people in life choose to see the glass Half Full.....some see it Half Empty....me personally.....I'm still trying to see the Glass!"

My Heart Belongs to Him.....

I'm so drained from where I have been
My eyes tired from the rain
That's flowed down my face since then
Through all four seasons....no end
I don't have it in me to love again
I don't have anymore love to give.....can't you see
I have given all of my energy
every ounce of the heart in me to love someone
A man I wanted to be the one
And still do
But that chance was taken from me
4 years ago and now we'll never be
Now....I don't know how to love
All I know is him.....Stevie
and the way it felt when we first kissed
Like the world stopped in that very moment
just for us.....there was bliss
And nothing else
Evaporated was every hint of sadness in my soul
I became whole
because he loved me
Nothing in this world mattered to him but me
And I would give the world to have him back
But unfortunately society has taken our chance
at the love meant to be.....true love.... a real romance
This man was more than just a man
He was mine....my soul mate, my lover, my best friend
I could tell him anything and he'd still love me
Where will I ever find that again?
Who out there wouldn't judge me?
Who out there would still love me....in all my flaws?
Who would stay beside me at all costs?
Who but God, his Son and this One man?
And if so.....if there were another
how....tell me how can I give him my heart
when it still belongs to another?
How could I ever kiss another man and not feel as though I am cheating?
How can I love again knowing his heart would stop beating without me?
How can I go on with my life....when I know he can't go on without me?
It would be wrong
Wrong to try to love someone besides him
The man I love is locked away and all alone
There is no one besides him
Not for me
How would that even be fair?
For me to smile while he cries?
For me to live when every day a part of him dies?
I am all he has
But what do I have?
What am I left with
but a shell of what once was?
The memories of a love I can no longer touch
I cannot kiss him, not even a hug
He may be a love lost
but still he is my Love
And so I cannot abandon him
I could never forgive myself if I left him all alone
and something God forbid were to happen to him
No....I cannot leave him
Not like this.....Not when I am his only reason for living
Not now......not today....nor tomorrow
or for the rest of my days will I ever leave him
I would rather live in sorrow each day I of my existence
than to keep him at a distance any longer
Stevie and I....
We were meant to be but can never be
Do you have any idea how much that kills me?
Do you know how my heart aches each day without ease?
For years....not a day goes by when my eyes don't fill with tears
For the one I was supposed to be with forever
He is my everything
To leave him behind would be killing
the very part of me that keeps me breathing
He has been my life since I was 13
I was fortunate enough to know unconditionally
what real love is
So tell me......how can I leave?
Why would I abandon a part of what makes me....me?
He needs me and I will sacrifice the intimacy
The Physical Love that we used to share
Things that the flesh desires
for the Spiritual Love that connects us....for it's so rare
A love that takes us from two individual beings
to being One.....it's surreal
That to me is worth my tears....the pain I must feel
from missing him
I could never abandon him....he is what makes my blood flow
My heart beat.....my lungs breathe.....he is all I know
Call me crazy
but so long as he has me....then I will never be alone.

Quote about Wisdom by Brianna Carey

"The mind is like the eye of the soul. The knowledge we search for it holds....but it's up to us to open our minds to receive the gift of wisdom and be made whole."

~Brianna Carey

Until Then....

Until our souls meet again I guess
And on that day my heart will rest at ease
Encased in a love so blessed
that came so suddenly
and left too soon
I await that day
Though rare as a blue moon
do two souls connect in such a way
But I do pray
that our last goodbye wasn't really the last
That we will one day have the chance to bask
In the love that could have been
Until then my almost love
Until then........

Dare to Dream

Call me crazy
Call me a dreamer
stuck in my fantasy
that things will get better
But I want to believe
No.....I am a believer
That all hope is not lost for the world
that it's simply misplaced in the souls of the earth
who are afraid to speak
who are afraid that their voice may be too faint to be heard
Am I absurd?
Is it just my way of thinking?
Can we really end this war
Can we really stop the killing
Their voices, their screaming, they're like sirens
The sound is piercing
echoing throughout this blood stained land
Can you hear them scream?
Do you hear our plea?
Our voices alone may be too faint
but together there is no mistake what we are saying
the change that we are stating
is not a dream
It is a reality that can be obtained
All of the things that man has changed
have not been changed by large groups or government officials
but by individuals who dared to dream
Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King
You and me....the people who dared to believe
Keep the dream alive my friends
Don't give up hope....Let us fight until the end.

Quote about Love by Brianna Carey

"Love to me is all about the destination.....rather than the course taken to obtain it....it may take long for me to make it.....but still I would say that; the feeling of being loved is indescribable, underrated and well worth the wait.....so I shall remain patient."

Quote by Brianna Carey

"Imperfection is Beauty.....Our Flaws are what sculpt us into the image of that which is perfection"

~Brianna Carey

Selfish Am I

In this Land
We walk divided
and yet we call this Land "The United"
Free......Am I really?
Does blood not stain these streets
Just as any other country?
And yet we preach such peace
It's the land of prosperity
The Land of the Free
Home of the Brave
Home of the Egotistical who cave under pressure
Who see retaliation as the only option when threatened
Land of the greedy who took this land from others
How dare we act as though we are better
How dare I hold my head up higher
I've grown tired of this nonsense
We don't feed our hungry
Or care for our homeless
And yet we act as though we are flawless
We...the epitome of perfection believe
that our dirty deeds though done with good intentions
Won't come back to haunt us
Well....it's haunting me
In the depths of my soul
My own actions are taunting me
And I feel guilty
Guilty because I'm a part of the problem
Selfish and Greedy I am one of them
Guilty because I can breathe
While a child forced into a life on the streets due to poverty bleeds
Guilty for my gluttony as I eat
while another human being goes hungry
Right in front of me
I see them with my own eyes
And I begin to despise this so called Freedom
These privileges....what have they done for them?
The weak.....the underprivileged?
As I lay here in my bed....safe and warm
Someone is crying out....cold and alone
and wondering why there's no one
No place to call home
With nothing but their faith to stand on
They pray to God every single day
For even the smallest amount of Change
Change that you and I throw away
on simple everyday things
And you ask me why I feel guilty
Why I feel I'm to blame?
Because I pray for this Change
yet I do nothing to help
To set this Change in motion
All I'm doing is Hoping
And what is Hope without Action
But a Dream
I think it's time we focus.

"I Don't Know Me"

How can I sit here and say you don't know me
so don't judge me
When I don't even know myself
It's all become so blurry
My reflection is deceptive
I can't even see the real me
Who is this woman who stands before you
and who you say intrigues thee
She's not me
My identity remains unknown
A pattern of which is sown to my heart
imprinted on my soul
So why can't I see her
That woman even I don't know
Yet she's the woman I want to be
or do I really?
I don't even know anymore
Who exactly is me
I've worn this mask so long
I'm afraid it's no mask and that it actually is me
Yet I'm afraid to take it off
for fear of what I could be
Scared to take a chance
A glance into the depths within
Afraid that I might not like who I see
and then what.....tell me
what do I do then?

Quote by Brianna Carey

"Victory goes not to the receiver....the one who takes all....but to the believer of the One who makes all. ~Brianna Carey

Don't Be Fooled....Believe

Breathe as I do
As God does
Inhale the Truth
Exhale that which is spewed
from the mouth of a liar
For I am no fool
I won't be tempted by the fire
I have recieved the answers I need
to proceed with the course that's been laid
A toll for which the price has been paid already
My heart calm....My soul steady
I walk strong with my Light
Into the night
I go without fear
My path has been cleared
By the only hands that matter
The hands of my Father
Whom I can hear speak the words of Light into me
The One who breathed the gift of Life into me
My mind awake....I am still
With so much at stake
I can not fail.....I will not break
I shall not fall
Not with my Father sheilding me
You'll see
I will follow this path given to me
and Succeed
I know my purpose in Life
I know the Truth I was meant to find
And I have found it
I am surrounded by it
It's all I feel
I am healed of all my past wounds
Dried of all my tears
Erased of all my fears....I am New
I am whole
Blessed and Honored with the gift to Know
What is right and what is wrong
Though it has been a long long course
far from perfect
It was all worth it
To stand where I am now
My head in the clouds
Yet my feet planted firmly to the ground
I am no longer afraid to dream
To think of the impossible being a possibility
That I learned from a kind friend....sort of "brotherlee"
you might say
All it takes to bring peace to this world
is to Believe that it can be
And my friends.....I do Believe
One day will come when we are all as One
As it should be
This is no dream but reality.

Short Prayer

My prayer for the world
the souls of the earth
To be united
Not divided by religion
To be at peace with one another
that's my vision
Where no one speaks to one another with affliction
Where no one's own personal convictions are questioned
Where no one person is judged and condemned
If I will ever see this day....I am uncertain
But I will continue to pray
Because the vision I see is worth it.

~Brianna Carey

The Pursuit of Knowledge

Lonely road
Not quite so lonely though
On my own
Though I am not alone
Never have been
See my garden grow
No intentions of being a has been
Though I haven't quite found yet
the place I fit in
So I wander the fields
where the seed of me was planted
And ponder the query's
Searching for the One who is enchanted
The one who holds the answers
The water needed to quench my thirst
The One who breathed into me at birth.....Life
I pray for sight....not eyes but sight
For I have been blind
All these years
Led by hypocrocy and my fears of society
Instead of being led by that which I fear most
God...in all His entirety
The One who made me
So now I await my moment of clarity
when it will all make sense and I will see
Until then......
I will walk these streets of ignorance
Paved with imperfection and the degradant
Stained with the blood of the victims of arrogance
But I will not walk alone
I will walk with my head held high
For I have never been on my own
He never left my side
He feeds my Garden
though not fully grown
I've come farther
though there's still far to go
I am content with what I know
I don't think I will ever know it all
But who would want to?
It would defeat the purpose of Life
To know all Truth.

My Reply

You brought tears to my eyes
when you made your choice
to say goodbye
but a sigh as well
with the sound of your voice
I hear your cries
I see your pain
I know it wasn't easy for you
to speak your truth
your "Confessions", they haunt me
Your words are only a glimpse of what could be
If only you had give me the opportunity
I would've shown you
That you are the strength that I deserve
Although scarred, the man I preferred
You think so little of yourself
I wish you knew your worth
But these words
this pain I feel
Falls on deaf ears
My beauty
On blind eyes....because you no longer see me
but please hear my reply
Though our love will never be
You will forever be remembered
If you are ever in doubt
Know that you touched me more than you'll ever know
That no matter how Lonely you get in this world
You will never be Alone
If you should ever need someone
Don't hesitate to call
If you fall, I will catch you
For what it's worth
Despite the hurt
I'm truly thankful I met you
and I will forever miss you.

To my almost Love.....

I Love Like God Loves

I never turn away someone in need. Whether they are the homeless or stricken with leprosy. They are human beings who feel and need love just like any other. I will give my only dollar to someone who needs it more than I. I would give the shirt off my back and lay naked in the cold if it meant that someone else was warm. I would give my bed and sleep on the street if it meant someone else would have a place to lay their head. I Give ALWAYS. Never take EVER. That is the way everyone should be. I'd hurt myself before I'd ever hurt another intentionally. I have been this way my whole life. "The queen of cups." I am a being who loves unconditionally. Most people don't know the meaning of unconditional love. And no, I don't mean the dictionary definition. I mean, the real meaning of unconditional. It's the kind of love that God has for us. The kind of love that Jesus gave and was killed for. It is smiling at someone when they look at you with disgust. It is seeing someone or something in need and never being able to turn them away. Not faulting someone for their actions even when they blame you for everything. It's giving to someone to help them even if they have taken everything away from you and left you with nothing. It is being at peace in the face of evil. It is forgiveness for those who don't even deserve it. It is accepting all beings for who they are.... the good and the bad. It is a respect for all living things. Animals. People. And the Earth. It is an unstoppable, unbreakable love that has no standards. That is the meaning of unconditional love. And that is what I give. I was created in the image of my Lord and so I shall be as Him....and Give.....Give until the end of my life. For as long as I have something to give no matter how small or large that gift is.....I will give it This is the same love I pray I will one day receive on earth. I already know that God loves me in this way. I would just like to find someone on earth who could back in this unconditional love with me as well. If I never find that person. I am still blessed with God's love and I am content with that. His love is more than enough to feed my soul for a lifetime and beyond. I am not whole but my soul is completely in tact. What does that mean you ask. This body, this heart, these eyes....they are not mine. There is walking but I can not walk. There is seeing but my eyes do not see. The heart beats but I do not have the power to make it beat or make it feel for that matter. This body is simply a host. My soul walks by my legs... not with them. My soul sees through my eyes... not by them. And my soul allows my heart to beat. Why it hasn't stopped. How can I be defined by this host in which the world perceives to be me, when it's my soul that defines me? I can't. When my body decays, the world ends, the stars fall, and the universe is no more, my soul will still be. Where it will be is the question for which I can't wait to be answered. I AM ONE WITH THE EARTH AND NATURE. IT IS MY NATURE TO LOVE AND NOT HATE. TO GIVE AND NOT TAKE. TO CARE FOR ALL LIVING CREATURES WHO INHABIT THIS WORLD. I am me. Imperfect and lovely. I love the ocean....the sea....because there are no ends to the horizon....it just goes on and on forever it seems. It resembles my love. On an on. That's just a little about who I am. In case you were wondering. :) One Love. Peace

One Lie Leads to Another (written 9-25-05)

So here I am
again
With this pen in my hand
trying to understand
how it all began
see....here's the thing
It never used to be like this
all this tension between us didn't exist
There once were happy moments
Now you're always pissed
Or I'm crying
Who's fault is this?
Who can I blame?
You....too stubborn to change?
Or myself for staying the same?
Out of the two
No one wants to blame themselves
so I blame you
You're the reason we're not together
see.....when you promised me forever
I guess you forgot that forever means
you breakup never
And then one lie lead to another
to cover
up your dirty deeds
but did you forget about my needs
so now I suffer here as my heart bleeds
and as you can see
I still can't let go
no matter how hard I try
for just the thought of forever saying goodbye
brings a tear to my eye
so I don't
I stay
And still you won't
love me the right way
Still you stray
and cause me such pain
yet I maintain a smile like I'm good....every things okay
Knowing that my heart is breaking inside a little more each day
Don't you even care that you hurt me this way?
why do you continue to do this to me...to us?
Why keep breaking my trust?
Do my tears amuse you that much?
It's like you enjoy seeing me cry
if that's not the case then why?
Why beg me to stay
only to do me the same
when I take you back?
You sicken me
with all your games and trickery
You're nothing more than a liar I see
But I don't know who's worse
you or me?
I'm the one who stays around
while the one I love constantly brings me down
so what does that make me?
Insane I guess
But one day....I will escape this tragedy
you call a relationship
this power you have over me
will have run it's course and I'll split
Until then I guess I'll put up with it
But not for much longer
my tears are drying up
and my heart is growing stronger
it won't be long now
before you are nothing more than a memory to me
worth less than the scum beneath my feet
but a trace of my history....you'll see
I'll be fine without you
No, I will thrive without you
Finally free of your grasp
You'll see me shine without you.

You'll know too Late

Funny how she didn't see your worth
until I saw it
Funny how she didn't pay you any attention
until I bought it
Funny how she didn't notice you
until she noticed me taking an interest
Oh so now she's all in love with you
and all of a sudden she's true
Now she won't do to you
what she did before
Now she's ready to make it work
only to cause you hurt later
But you'll find that out soon enough
But don't come crawling back to me
because I called her bluff
and now you want to give me a chance
Tough
that's just too bad
because you could have known love
you could have had
real love, not fictional
Unconditional
but that's over now.
That chance has passed
the wind blows colder now
as one day you'll look back
on a woman you passed over....how?
Only to go back to the past with your ex lover....wow?
You missed out
And one day you'll find that I was right
but you'll find it out too late to change your mind
by that time I'll be long gone
happy with another who needs no reminder
of how beautiful my love is
of how I can heal a broken heart with one kiss
this.... sadly....you will never know
So goodbye to my almost love
the flower that never got the chance to grow
I will miss you so....
Goodbye.

My Light

The sun hits my eyes
and they are open
to my surprise
they had been closed this whole time
The sun shines on me
and I find peace
Is this enlightenment, I wonder?
Is the the life I'm meant, I ponder?
And yet I am content with this life
Imperfect as it is....it is mine
And I embrace my moment in time
Out of the darkness I find
My light.
Dimmed at times
though now it glows bright.
But I know this fight is not over
This world we live in is getting colder and colder
But the suns rays keep me sheltered
from this cold weather as I get older
I will stay on my path toward the better
No matter how dark it may get
My light will stay lit
I will shine
And I will share it with the world
Only one girl I am indeed
but my voice will travel miles
You will see.
My voice will travel miles.

Give Love a Try

You seem so distant
I'm reaching
but to my love you are resistant
It's like you're intent on being alone.
Why is that?
I see so much in you
that you can't even see
I see your brilliance shine through
in an abundance of clarity
Is it unfair of me
to want all of your heart and not just some
to want the chance to love you without conditions
...is that so wrong?
These questions, they run through my mind
I hope to find the answer in time
before it's too late
Before we no longer have the time to wait.
And our chance for one another has passed
It's a fact
that life does not wait
So don't let the opportunity for love pass
because your last love made a mistake.
This is all I ask.

Quote by Brianna Carey

"All hope for mankind is has not been lost....it is simply misplaced." ~From my book "The Human Uncensored" Chapter 4-Compassion **speaking that living through compassion is humanity's only hope. ~Brianna Carey

Quote by Brianna Carey

"Everything we imagine is improbable, but never impossible" ~ Brianna Carey

I Feel, Yet I am Unfulfilled (written april 09)

It's like the more I start to feel
the more the emptiness is revealed
I feel so unfulfilled
Even though I smile
it feels unreal
Forced
Like it is not mine
of my own being
But separate from me
I see the image of happiness
when I project that which is laughter
But inside my soul something is lacking
There is an emptiness which is obvious
to no one but me
Why can't anyone else see?
I wonder if they notice
the tears concealed
If they have noticed the pain I feel
If they have seen
the split second of sadness that crosses my face
in between the moments I appear to be unfazed
I wonder if they caught a glimpse of the real me
But they haven't
They truly believe
the happiness they see in me
is genuine
Indeed....at times it is
But then there's days like this
When I have to hide the way I really feel
When I must conceal my pain
In order to maintain my sanity
But please....do not think bad of me
I do not mean to offend
I don't mean to come across fake
though I pretend
I do it to try and create a world for me
filled with positives
Far from negativity
A world in which if I pretend long enough
the end result could be reality
No longer a fantasy
but a real smile for all the world to see
To be truly at peace
My one intention.....to be free
Free from this sadness
though it's persistence is undeniable
It continues to hold prisoner my smile
but I refuse to give up
that which belongs to me
though it's grip is strong
My determination won't cease
to exist
My faith won't quit
and this is why I insist on smiling
even when this world wants me to frown
On staying up
when I am constantly pushed down
Why I cling to my moments of peace
though there may not be many
Each one leaves me with a precious memory
I can tap into to remind me
of the happiness that once existed
After a while that persistence of sadness
will have weakened
and I can begin to again see clearly
that which made me happy before
And I'd no longer have to fake a smile anymore
because it would come naturally
These are days I await so impatiently.

My thoughts on Forgiveness

Forgiveness of self is one the hardest things to do in this world. It's easier for me to forgive others but never have I been able to forgive myself. I await that day when I truly forgive myself so that I can be surrounded by complete and total peace as well as inner peace. If you think about it. Every Great thing that has ever come in life has come by forgiveness. So why is it that I can't forgive myself when I make a mistake? Why is it that I beat myself up about it like my one mistake is worse than any other human on earth has ever made. That's not fair to do to yourself.....because someone Else's mistakes may or may not be worse but that's not for me to judge. Still to me....it doesn't feel that way. It feels like I am doing horribly in the eyes of God when I mess up. It feels like I have failed Him, and I know He doesn't think that way. I know He has already forgiven me the very moment I messed up. But something in me makes me feel like my mess ups are can not be forgiven.....and I think I know what that something is. It's bad energy, guilt from my past, evil and negativity that drags me down into this pit of self pity and feeling worthless, because I keep messing up. But God is steady trying to forgive me. The problem is....I don't want to forgive myself. It's like I use that guilt and anger caused by my past regrets and I store it up and use it as an excuse to mess up again. Then the next mistake I make won't seem as bad as the others. You know why that is? I can't get past my past. I stay locked in it ya'll. I don't feel like I am worth being better. I don't feel like I deserve anymore chances. All because I don't know how to forgive Me. I don't know how to move on from what's done. To move on from what's unchangeable. I hold on to every waking moment in my past life.....thinking that if I release that, (in a sense) I am letting go of who I am. But these mistakes....these flaws....they're not who I am. They're not who I want to be. They are who I WAS. But I'm so busy being caught up in my past that I am unable to find who I am today. Tomorrow is always a brand new start. The question is Will we take that tomorrow and use it to the best of our abilities? Will we embrace it and become better than yesterday? That's the ultimate question. Can you forgive yourself and let go of what you can not change? Someone told me a quote by a very wise man Reinhold Niebuhr who said "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." This quote is not only by far my favorite. It is powerful. One who can achieve such serenity, courage, and wisdom is one powerful human being not condemned by there past. It's a human being who's mind and conscience are free of guilt. It is what I strive for. Another quote that I love is from Buddha, "The secret to health for both the body and mind is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." So I am going to try my friends. Try to do this from now on. My focus right now is to get from underneath this cloud that has been hovering over me for years....formally known as my past. To stop daydreaming of what I do not know which is my future. And to focus....I mean really focus on Today. The very here and now. The present, because the past is no more and the future is yet to come. The present is a gift that is why it is called the present. So what will you do with this gift? Will you spend it wallowing in your mistakes of the past and daydreaming about something you can not predict or will you spend it loving everyone you know, and smiling every second you get and knowing that you are truly forgiven, and start spending every moment forgiving yourself? You do deserve it. That's all. I just wanted to speak on that just in case anyone out there is feeling the same. You are not alone my friend. Just know that. You are not alone.

Thoughts for Food

I'm done with flaky friends. I'm definately taking notice of who is here for me now and who has been there for me before when I needed them most. True Friends. Friends who never lose touch are hard to come by. I know who mine are. Do you? It's crazy. Some people don't like me, and that's cool. Even though I am a kind person, and there's no reason to dislike me, or be cruel or mean to me when I've done nothing but be myself and be sweet. But that's all good. Real recognize real. I also recognize fake. If you want a friend who is always perfect, who never tells you the truth when you desperately need to hear it. Who only tells you what you want to hear. Who acts like they want you to succeed when they secretly want you to fail miserably. Who has your worst interest at heart, and not your best. Then I can definitively tell you, you don't want me as a friend. I don't lie. I don't hide my true feelings. Even though sometimes I am an emotional mess. Honestly I just go with the flow of things and I care for people genuinely. I am real. I don't hide my true feelings. My life is far more than Black and White, there are many shades of gray. And why would I want to keep those shades of gray from your knowledge? Then you would never really know me. Our whole supposed friendship would be built on nothing but secrets, lies and pretension. That's not a friendship. That's two complete strangers who know nothing about one another pretending to be friends. If I can't be myself with you then I can't be your friend. If you don't accept each part of the being that is me, if you want me to pretend to be someone I am not to be accepted in your eyes, then you are a fool. You're lying to yourself if you think this way and truly believe that you have so many "real" friends. Not with that mentality you don't. I'm telling you. Really think about it. Who can you be 100% yourself around, and if so how many of those friends would still be around if you were? Who can you tell your deepest darkest secret to and know for a fact that it would never leave that person's mouth? Who can see you at your worst, I mean at your very lowest, weaker than you have ever been, and still they would stay by your side and never let you down? Who can see you have a complete and utter breakdown and never once look at you as too weak or pitiful, and turn away because they are embarrassed by you? Who can see past a million flaws in you straight through to the perfection that lies within? Who finds the best in you and then to them that is enough to be your friend for life. Now, after asking yourself these questions. Tell me, how many friends do you really have? Not as many as you thought I bet. Disappointed?? Don't be. It's okay. Because once you figure out your "real" friends, then You never have to be fake another moment in your life ever. You can completely be yourself and just be free. Be you. That's the beauty of it. I found mine. One Friend I can completely be myself with. Not an aquaintance. A real tru friend that accepts me in all my imperfections because she see's me for all the good I have to offer. Knows my strengths and weaknesses, and would never once think of using them against me. That, Ladies and Gentleman is the definition of a real friend. My one real friend is Mary. I love you Mary and I thank you so much for all you have done and continue to do for me. You are my sister, and will be in my life for as long as I live. That's a promise that is unbreakable. My word is my bond. So to anyone else who thinks they are too good to be my friend because I am too silly, or too much of a nerd, or too hyper, well...you just missed out on a really great person. Because I am the type of person that will never let you down, and I have the biggest heart in the world. If I only had a dollar to my name and you needed it, I would give it to you and go without. If all I had was one half of a sandwich and you were starving that half a sandwich would be yours and I would go hungry. That is the type of person I am. And I am thankful to have my one friend who sees the best in me. To the rest of ya'll who are too good. Go be too good elsewhere. I don't need fakes hanging around pretending to be nice and then talking meanly behind my back because they feel I'm a little off. And that may be true. I may be a little off, but I am very intelligent. I am funny. I am kind. I am loving and I am a bunch of fun, and I will never change who I am for anyone. If you don't like me, I don't care though I very much hope you will change your mind and get to know me. Because I think you'd find that I can be the best friend you've ever had.

Soul.....Flee

From my mouth I do not speak
I open my soul so that these words can flow freely
Into my true being
You shall see me
A me, not chained but free
Not bound by society
I flee
I exit the earth
To enter a world of pure serenity
Sheilded by the wings of His Majesty
From the wicked I keep my distance
From their temptations... I am resistant
I want no part
So I fly far
Until I reach my enlightenment
And awaken to a new sense
And understanding of my environment
I must admit it is hard
I loose sight of God
While surrouned by this darkness
I look for his light
Though it has dimmed
I continue my search with no end
I open my heart, won't you come in
I open my ears, willing to listen
But I do not hear You like I used to
I search for truth
I question so much of my existence
Though I am resistant to the ways of the world
They are persistant
I cry and my soul hurts
Then I become weak, and that's when they attack
When they are at their worst
I will not let them win
I won't let my soul give in
Not now.....Not ever
My soul belongs to the one Who is Forever
And though I do not always please Him
He is my Father, I am his daughter
And I do not intend to leave Him
So I continue my quest to seek Him
To find answers to the mysteries that life holds
The key to the everlasting life lies in the soul
I pray for the day when it will all make sense
For now though I am not content
My soul flies to the Heavens
As I sit here in my room I imagine
A world outside of mine
With only peace and innocence
And in a sense
That keeps me at peace
Helps to see me free
From the burdens of planet earth
My soul flees
And God smiles on me. :)

Mistaken Identity

Why can't I sleep at night do you ask?....
It is not easy to mask this guilt that's in my mind
For I....am not the person you think I am
Look within me, and think again
Tell me, just what do you see?
Look deeper...
Can you even see me;
see past this wall of insecurity?
Then you pretend
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet nothings
That you think mean something to me
You tell me what I want to hear
Just to befriend me
Just to get near me
Only to walk away when you know me
Only to go blind when I start to show me
Why is that?
Though I am not righteous
My actions are just
My intentions are good
But my mistakes leave a shadow of dust
A dust that clouds not only your eyes but your perception
Misunderstood. I wait for just one person to accept me.

Be Silent.....Nature Speaks

As my feet pound this pavement of the city
Nature stops me in my tracks so pretty
Can you hear the birds song?
Do you see the fields of flowers that go on and on
For miles it seems
I watch in amazement
As the pavement beneath me changes to green
Nature has found me
The buildings that surround me
Become the sea
So blue.....the ocean brushes against my feet
And I think to myself this is beauty
I step out of my box in which I have stayed too long
I find myself lying on the sands of time
I've prayed for this moment to come
I breathe in humility
And exhale my vanity
I release my ego to the wind
In order to feel something genuine
Something real
I look above me to find the Son shining so lovely
Upon me is a sky that's endless
I feel weightless
Though I am full.....in a sense
Nature speaks and I fall silent
My eyes turn blind to the violence
I see only Love
In the eyes of the less fortunate I see God
And I search for the reason
The purpose of life and it's meaning
The ground beneath me starts moving
But I am still.
Blessed am I to feel
sun Peace
Quiet I am as He speaks
From all negativity I am freed
My eyes pure
My heart clean
For understanding I search no more
For it has found me.

My Soul Speaks......

Though my eyes may speak depression
My soul speaks to the blessed
A reflection of my inner being
Can be found beneath this flesh you see here
if you look through my exterior
This shell of a woman so inferior
You shall see me
Behind these walls I have built
Behind the pretension and my guilt
Lies a woman with great intuition
And a heart which seeks redemption
A soul searching for wisdom
Blinded by my own convictions
I seek truth and stability
A world with humility and kindness
Through my blindness I ask to see
That which is transparent
That which can not be found by the deaf
but by the coherent
They who have an ear to listen
Are they who can hear it
I wish to see Him in the flesh
The God in which I put my trust
I pray for knowledge that can not be found on earth
Do you see me now world?
Can you hear the sounds of my soul
As it speaks my true being
It hurts for I am not whole
Though I know this is only the beginning
I must look further to see where I am standing
Go higher to find my understanding
I understand that now
Though I am still puzzled as to the How
I will keep going until this riddle is solved
Until I have evolved into all that I am meant to be
Until I am free
And my soul lay content in the midst of peace and clarity.

Torn

You don't see me
You see with your eyes
the woman you think is me
Look through your eyes
You can't feel me?
You think I'm bitter or angry?
That anger stems from a seed
of sadness that lies within me
You can't begin to comprehend
this pain I bleed
Or even begin to understand
this struggle I am in that won't cease
Both Heaven and Hell are fighting for me
Who will win this battle?
The answer lies within the words I speak
Indefinately my soul remains with the man Jesus
When the Heavens speak
My heart still, my mouth speechless
I'm listening
I open my soul for him to dwell within
But there's a cold sense
that makes me tense
an evil presence that lurks in the shadows
Begging like peasants
It sends a chill across my neck
Who is that?....I begin sighing
I look to my left and witness my angel crying
I look to my right and see this devil feeding me lies again
Insanity?
Though I am in control
I crave stability
I resent not being able to know
Just where I stand
You still think you know me now.....
then think again.

Senses Awakened

The color of my skin
A blend of honey and caramel
within the sun....I shine through
My rays can be harmful
yet they can warm you
I see through my eyes
into truth disguised
as something else
See...you think I can't tell
You think I don't know
but I hear a faint whisper
in the wind which is hollow
Even though
You hide it so well
I can still feel what you feel
My every sense encased
within your embrace
My lips dare speak of the things you want Not to face
Won't you taste the sweet nectar that is Faith?
Leave your mind with but a trace of uncertainty
Believe in me
Set your soul free
In this universe parallel
See what I see
when I gaze into your soul
I can make you whole
and preserve that which makes you so......beautiful
With my heart.....this I can do
I can give to you
these heightened senses that I possess
Awaken your mind
Make you see the world in a new light
With me you'll find
Life isn't always a blue sky
But yet a True sky
that shows all colors and each side of me
There are clouds that shield your heart from love
They hover above with an intensity
Let me clear those away with my kiss
Don't miss one second of sweet bliss
because of the fear of inadequacy
The fear that you won't get what you need
With me, that is impossible
I aim to do nothing but please
To grant your every desire
Would you let me?
Would you accept me for who I am?
For what I can give you is well worth it in the end
So take me in....take all of me in
All of my senses
I am left defenseless
Open to you and all you intend just don't abuse this
For my senses so open to you is
a rare gift
Open yours
and I am sure
you'll find a love so pure
Untainted, no doubts or uncertainty
I am right here waiting with all you need
No need to ponder of who you were
Or wonder just who you are
Isn't it clear to see
You are just as I am
Two souls in the same sea
blowing in the same wind
Tell me....would you come with me
where life has no end?
Where love runs free
as does the river to an ocean?
Take my hand
and journey to this land.
A land I call One Love
Awaken your mind
and watch in amazement as your soul expands
to new hieghts you never imagined.

Broken Wings Healed

The rain,
my souls reflection.
The drops roll down my window pane
as do the tears roll down my face
from the pain
No one knows the real me
They see an image of false security
I'm screaming for help inside my soul
but no one can hear me
My screams are muffled by this hole
in which I am standing
I feel I am drowning
and I can't swim
I look to the sky
and ask God for his hand
I pray for death
so that I can be with him
Instead my soul imprisoned
to this hell we call earth
Even at birth we cried
Isn't that something....
Even then we knew this world
would be filled with lies
That sorrow would fill our eyes
with sweet tears
And over the years
My heart has been beaten and bruised
My soul used and abandoned
My love neglected
So now I hide who I am for protection
If they don't know how badly I hurt
then they can't make it worse
My broken wings need not be healed
I'm fine being who I am
I am flawed, and imperfect but real
Though I am broken now
I will soon heal
I feel God breathe air into my lungs
What was once my fate is now undone
Free I stand......
My faith overcome.

I Don't Want a Fairytale

See me baby, I'm real
I don't need all these extra things
Diamond rings
to express how you feel
Just play in my hair
Whisper sweet nothings in my ear
Or when I need to vent
Lend me your ear
Better yet, lend me your heart
And if by chance you happen to notice
that mine is falling apart
Take your hands and hold it
Don't just say that you love me
Show it
Run me a bubble bath
and massage my back
as you softly kiss my neck
Tell me I look beautiful
Even when I know I look a mess
And when I'm stressed
do your best to make me smile
Call me just to say Hi
To let me know I'm on your mind
That you're thinking of me
And when we go out to ear
It ain't gotta be anywhere fancy
I'm fine with Mickey D's
The dollar menu's cool with me
I'm not really all that hard to please
And I promise you all you give, you will recieve
I put that ony my life
Baby that's a guarentee
See.....Patience, with me, goes a long way
There's no need to rush
Trust.....you'll know when I'm ready
Let me know first
I'm worth more than my yoni
Be content in just holding me
Before I share with you my soul
I got to know for sure
what you're all about
and just exactly what you're here for
Because I want you to be that man
My Soulmate My Lover My Best Friend
The one I can grow old with
and cherish until the end
Call me a hopeless romantic
That's cool, because I am
And don't promise to give me the world
just do it
Actions speak louder than words
I want you to prove it
Show me that you can stick it out
through the toughest of times
And if I should ever cry
Be there with a tissue to dry my eyes
Suprise me with my favorite flowers just because
No reason, just out of love
No need to wait until Valentine's Day
Or our Anniversary
To let me know how you feel about me
It's the little things you do year around
that let me know you can't live without me
Like walks on the beach
Or massaging my feet
When I've had a long day
One kiss on the cheek
can make my whole mood change
And as for my birthday
I'd be just fine with a card that you made yourself
It's not the amount
No matter the cost, it's the thought that counts.
And when you get mad
or I get mad, don't walk out
Sit down, let's talk it out
Isn't that what loves about?
The ups and downs
We don't have to break up
Let's work it out
It's not always laughs and fun
But when all is said and done
We're still in love
Why run from our problems
When we can compromise and solve them
And make things right
If the love is true, then it's worth the fight
Especially if the aftermath of that fight
Is a life for you and I together
It'll feel even better
knowing that we conquered the stormy weather
When you've dealt with the cards delt
Stood your ground throught worse or better
Stayed by my side in sickness and health
and besides it's not even worth it to fight
It's a waste of time
Harmful to the mind, body and soul
It leaves you feeling cold
and in the end, you end up all alone
It's better that we grow together
Compromise with one another
Get to know each other
Like what makes the other tick
And try our hardest not to do it
You have to have a sense of humor
It's important that we make each other laugh
It's a fact
That without laughter we won't last
I'm a realist though
I Know there's no Happily Ever After
But that's not what I'm after
I just want you to truly love me in all my dirt
Respect and trust me
Show me what I'm worth
and give it everything you've got
to put me first
Only second to God
It may sound like a lot
But it's not too much to ask
And with all that said
Do you have what it takes to be this man?
My soulmate.
My Lover.
My Best Friend.

Would you Mind?

Would it be alright with you
If my world revolved around yours?
If my one desire on earth
was to please you in every way, shape, or form
Would it be alright with you?
If I asked you to
mend my broken heart with your love
would you be willing to?
Or would that be asking too much?
If I wanted to hold your hand
and asked you to never leave
would that be selfish of me
or would you understand?
Would you feel the same?
I guess what I am saying is
I know I ask a lot
But all I really ask
is that you give us all you've got
Love me unconditionally
Can you do that for me?
Would you and could you be that man I need?
To shelter me from harm
and satisfy my every need?

I want Heaven

I'm so tired of the world
This land blood stained by the victioms of this earth
My soul aches. It hurts
I'm walking around like is that really the worlds' worth?
Am I the only one on earth who's grown tired
Of how the standard of kindneww is no longer required?
You're only one desire is to hate
To kill, to sin, and fill the world with great violence?
I'm so sick of this nonsense
It's exhausted me. I'm spent
I desire no more to live up to the requiremnts
This world has for me
I'm seeing through my eyes all this disease
Famine world wide
The increase in the amount of homeless on our streets
I mean even the food we eat is now tainted
Not just our meat but our vegetables are unclean
and can make you sick
The environment has changed
Our weather predicitions are now in vain
There's hurricane's where in the past, they have never been
There's earthquakes more frequently in continent on this land
And we sit back and pretend that everything's okay
That for this whirlpool of sins
we have placed ourselves in
That there won't be a consequence?
That we won't have to answer for them?
There are planes falling from the sky at an alarming rate
All the signs of the end of times are taking place
And you call it coincedence?
Is it not evident to you what's about to come?
What is going to happen to us for what we've done?
Do you not see what I see?
There are random murders each day of the week
You can't turn on your news for one second and not see
Someone killing someone
It used to be
The element of love was still in existence
Now we have become so distant
There is no love that we are left with
Only hatred
I'm just disgusted!
I've had it with the world
I don't want any part of this earth
I don't want the men, the money, the diamonds or pearls
They hold no worth
They are of no value to me anymore
My soul no longer intent on gaining the superficial
It's gotten to the point
Where even my fless despises the physical
My desire now lies in the spiritual
I was steady looking for peace of mind
Amidst all this chaos and crime
Through all the destruction and hard times
It was hard to find
I was blind and couldn't see
But then I found God
and there was clarity
He awakened me to what many are oblivious to
They can't see it
Because the world is blocking their veiw
I used to be that way too
Now I am humbled by these visions
I have been given from God
The way I was once living
Only brought me sadness, a self destruction
My soul was in ruins
My heart in pain, I needed adjustment
Then God took out his tool kit
And fixed, and gladly
That's just it, he wasn't mad at me
I expected him to be furious
For the way that I was living
But then he comes to me and says I'm forgiven
Forgiven?
Are you serious God, but I did that and this.....?
He says "My child you have been cleaned of it"
I couldn't believe it
Finally someone who doesn't judge me
Who looks past all my flaws and still loves me
It blows my mind everytime we have a conversation
That by his grace I was able to escape damnation
I still don't understand it all and so I make mistakes
But that's what's great
Through my mistakes I learn more
It's by my sins Jesus was able to make my soul pure
Through his blood I am forgiven
The reason I am able to gain wisdom
I know it's because of Him
Learning to forgive myself, now that's the hard part
Where do I start?
To relieve the guilt from my conscious?
My shameful heart won't let me let go of my past
The things that I once did
The devil sends me a constant reminder of who I used to be
To try and provoke me
Into returning to my old ways of rebellion
But it's not going to happen
Why would I leave this place I'm in
After all the things I have seen
After all that God has shown me
How could I ever walk away
I feel so privileged, so honored that He talks to me
That I had an ear to listen
That he came to me
Because I had an open heart to recieve him
So grateful that he gave me his spirit
That he thought my soul was worthy of it
Now if I could just forget my past and press forward
I know that there's more in my future that I'm in store for
More knowledge for me that my God has to offer
More wisdom to recieve so that my soul may prosper
I want to be as close to Him as possible
I love Him for love me
For not judging me
For protecting me even when I didn't want to be protected
For not negelcting me His love
Even though His Love, I once neglected
For not turning His back to me when
At one time all He could see what my back turned to Him
His mercy is so astounding
I'm so glad that I found Him
I wait impatiently for the return of His only son
For when He comes
I will no longer have to endure the trials of this place
I will be secure in the hands of the Lord I know that I'll be safe
I can't wait to see Heaven
To not have to suffer in this world I'm in
To be in a place where there is no illnesses
No disease
No murder and no deceit
No lies or harm done to me
Just peace
And pure bliss
An array of magnificance
With all my heart I long for that day
Each night before I go to sleep I pray
That I will make it
That when He comes that He will take me
Me as well as my family
Because there's nothing more this world can offer me
To satisfy my needs
There is nothing here that interests me
My mind is set on Heaven
That's where my soul is going
That's where I want to be
I refuse to suffer a lifetime on earth
Just so that I can suffer in Hell for an eternity
Then what would my life have been worth?
So say everything my flesh wants; I go out and get it
Then my soul goes to Hell when the flesh is gone
Where I'm praying for death but it won't come
I just can't justify it
That wouldn't make sense
So I don't make my treasures on this earth
But instead in Heaven with Thee
For where my treasures are kept
My heart and soul will also be.

My Soul in Tune

My mind filled with anxiety
I try to find the right key
to keep my soul in tune
My life's melody may have skipped a few beats
My 3 part harmony isn't always on key
My heart, my soul, my mind
Far from a symphony but I am trying
to acheive unity within
and with this pen and paper
I write now, to enlighten later
my mind and I find
with each word I write
that weight on my soul gets a little lighter
with each wrong that I right
My world seems a little brighter
and my 3 part harmony
seems a little more on key
and though my song may not always be perfect
it is still beautiful and
Very much worth a listen
Try to invision yourself in others eyes
Don't judge before you have walked
a mile in their lives
Just try to keep a mind that is open
a mind closed is never awakened
and don't be fooled into thinking
that a cold heart can never be broken
this lesson I have learned
Be cold and you will get burned
Live and speak warm words
and you will be rewarded with peace
Nothing is free on this earth
but our integrity
A man's worth is determined by his actions
Not by his possesions
So what do your actions speak?

Freestyle 2

You would need satellites to see me
You can't be me
so stop trying
You hungry, cuz I'm buying
And me personally
I'm starving like Marvin
Like Lil Weezy call me a Martian
I'm out of this world
I'm so ill it can't be described with words
So don't try me....I'll smash you like Ali

Freestyle flow

Let's Flow again my friend
Can you feel me
No revenge but this pen
I flow so free like the mississippi after Katrina
My words so fresh, can you dig my demenor
Just call me Mrs. Clean
I'm mean
But I don't mean it
Don't want no problems then you should beat it
like Michael
Before I do to you what Paris did to the Eiffel
Oh what you say my times up
Call my bluff
You think you're tough
Come into the mind of me and find that your wrong
You can't win
it's a lost cause
Lay down your cards...I push it to the limit like Rick Ross
The sky's the limit with my skills I'm a boss
I'm ill...for real
think you can bring it
Let's play the feild.

No Fear

One Love's what's at stake

My heart breaks for the souls lost

A lost cause in a world lost in hate

I pause and wait

for a change

And meditate

to maintain my sanity

though vanity keeps making it's way to me

My soul flees to that place of tranquility

There I am at peace

with my Heavenly Father beside me

To guide me

So no fear nor Hatred will I foster

And no matter how great the weapon

None against me shall prosper.