God is Real

The questioning of God's existence simply because you cant see him holds no merit what so ever. It's like questioning if oxygen exists, we cant see that either, but you cant honestly disbelieve that air is real. You'd be considered absurd to do so. I consider it just as absurd when people give me the aforementioned as a reason they don't believe in God. What that must be like to walk around believing in nothing.... having no faith in anything. I cant even fathom it. I have felt God in my soul, I don't need to see Him for confirmation. Nothing in this world baffles me more than Atheism. It's heartbreaking. I pray for them Lord. I pray that they'll know you one day before its too late. 

"BE THANKFUL

Not Spiteful

Not Prideful

Not Ungrateful

AND YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL." - Brianna C Carey

Light a Candle

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." - Chinese Proverb

I saw this quote and it really spoke to me. Most of my life I've always seen the world in its worst light. Its hard not to. Everywhere you turn in papers, magazines, on TV screens the bad, the "dark", the negative is glorified. It is what is focused on. It's rather easy to become wrapped up in that way of thinking. To allow yourself to believe that nothing you do makes a difference. To fall prey to the "Why be nice when the world is filled with evil?" mentality. Lately I've been forcing myself to see the "Good" in things. It's not easy I must say. But its teaching me quite a bit. My interpretation of this quote is as such; I could sit here in my home watching the awful news and complain of how the world is filled with terrible things and horrible people OR I could step out and attempt to change those things for the better. Be a "Light" if you will in the midst of darkness. I do not have to compromise my integrity and lose myself in the shadows of darkness simply because it's what "everyone else" does. I have the ability to choose Kindness when faced with Anger; Understanding when faced with Opposition; Compassion when faced with the Unjust. I can choose to remain who I am NOT because others are the same, not even because they deserve it but because it's who I am inside. I realize I shouldn't let darkness diminish my Light but instead go out of my way to shine, and maybe....just maybe a spark from my flame will touch another and theirs another and before we know it, that dark world we stepped out into will glisten with a hope it didn't have before; a Light that once seemed impossible to see will now be a Light impossible to dim. That is how we create a positive change in a negative world. And I for one want to be a grand part of that change. I want to be one to say 'I didn't just "curse the darkness, I lit a candle"; I did something to brighten the world, and make it a better place.' - Written by Brianna Colleen Carey 

To be honest....

Since you've been gone; I have been so lost. I have done so many things wrong, I've made more mistakes in this year & a half than I have in my entire life. I am not quite sure I can be forgiven for the things I have done. I am positive I cant forgive myself. I know you dying was no excuse for me losing my mind, & not being the respectful woman you raised me to be, but I'm not, and here I am, I've spent through everything you left me as a startup to make my dreams come true, wasted it on material crap that means jack squat to me now just for a temporary lift at the time I bought all this stuff, just stuff. My life is so cluttered with all this stuff. Crap I don't even need, just trying to fill the void that missing you has created in my heart. I haven't had a routine since the day you died, I don't check the mail, I don't pay my bills until they cut me off & I have no choice. I haven't cared about anything, and barely anybody. I just don't know at all what Im doing. I feel like I have been walking blind. Just out here, existing but not functioning at all. I just wish I had done better, done something that would've made you proud, but instead, I have done all I possibly can that would disappoint you & I am disappointed in myself for doing so. Nothing anyone says about 'time healing', and' it'll all make sense one day', can change the fact that I hurt so badly. Whats worse is I still don't know what Im doing. Im still just out here.... it's like walking in dense fog, I cant find my way. And no one can help me. I have prayed for direction, & nothing.... I hear nothing, I feel nothing. I haven't truly felt any real emotion since you died except for sad. Deeply sad, and so lost. I dont know if God even hears me anymore, and Im still angry with Him for taking you, so why would He even want to hear me. I just hate who I have become & yet haven't the slightest clue how to fix what is broken in me. I just wish you were here. I just want to talk to you & hug you, but I cant. The worst part os because of all I've done wrong Im not sure if I ever will see you again. I dont know that if I died right now that I'd go to Heaven, and so that doubt makes it even harder to function. I am just carrying so much guilt & sadness that I am doing good just to be breathing. I just miss you so much & I will never stop missing you. Im so sorry Mommy & to God for all I've done. I love you & I pray so deeply that God will forgive me & that one day I will forgive myself. I love you Mommy. 

Patience

I awake to the day

The morning sunlight hits my face

Its rays shine on me

Finally.....a moments peace

I do nothing but breathe deep

and seek God

This odd place Im in

This void of Zen

it is not permanent....

I will find my way again

I intend to

Patience is what's required to move

in what I aspire to do

I have to hold on

My time will come.

"Do not take possession of that which you do not own. Not Belongings. Not Love. Not even Life. Everything always changes. Flux is the way of Nature. It is better to flow with the current of the universe rather than against it." -Brianna Colleen Carey

Choose Hope

Its okay to admit you worry about the unknown, and sometimes think way too far into a future that hasn't happened yet because from where you're standing you cant possibly see what good can come of your current predicament and so it's only natural to worry of what can go wrong, to forget that the future isn't here yet. It is difficult, but TRY and stay focused on the present. FORCE yourself to come back to positive thinking because negativity is not healthy, and tends to create more problems that otherwise would have never come to pass. MAKE yourself think of what can go right instead. Every so often its okay to lose it, to cry, get mad, to be real with yourself, just so long as you NEVER make that place of worry your Home. CHOOSE to Live in Light and in Faith. The Mind is the soul's Home, decorate it with Hope.....not worry.

"Some people thrive on making others feel less than....
but the ones being made to feel less than are usually the ones who Thrive." - Brianna Colleen Carey 

"YOU WERE BORN AN ORIGINAL...

Don't let anyone make you conform 

to fit in when you were born 

to stand out!" -Brianna Colleen Carey

My Journey....Part 1: Everything Happens For a Reason

I believe that everything happens for a reason, heartbreaks happen to teach us how to Love, & what not to do to someone else's heart. Deaths of a Loved one teach us how to cherish the ones we still have here. Sometimes God purposely takes us out of one situation (i.e. a job , like me) to bring us into something new, something better. I would have never had the courage to leave my position & step out because I was comfortable where I was, Id become content in being stagnant....afraid of change & what that might mean, & so now I have no choice but to walk forward in search of something new. I believe I was let go specifically to find where God wants me to be, in order to prepare me for my next assignment in life. His Will, not my own, I must remember this Life is not about me, or what I want fmyself but what I can DO for others & what God wants for me. So as I lay my head to sleep tonight, I think back on many things I have gone through in the past few years that have certainly tested my heart & I realize I am still here, & that there HAS TO BE a real reason for that. I HAVE A PURPOSE & I will find it. So Lord, I ask; let YOUR will be done in my heart, in my soul & in my life. As I walk forward into a new journey, WALK WITH ME....I know You have more in mind for me in this world.... Show me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 

Sun Gifts

Good Morning from the western shore

I have awakened once more

From a sweet slumber daze

As the Summer haze lifts

& the Sun gifts me with its presence

I am left in....awe

I could have slept in, but nah

Id rather see the Light

as it first breaks the sky

on the edge of the horizon

The sun rises in my eyes and....

makes me smile. 

The whole world can believe in you....

God himself could tell you how amazing you are....but until YOU believe in you, you wont succeed. - Brianna Colleen Carey

Dreams are Insight

I believe dreams are glimpses into a very real future, that God gives us visions of what He has imagined for us. The only thing holding us back is accepting that we are capable of doing what God already KNOWS we can do, & then once we accept it, then being brave enough to go out & do it. I'M DONE LETTING FEAR OF FAILURE CAUSE ME NOT TO TRY. How about you? 

"To Wonder is to be Free in Thought

To Wander is Freedom" -Brianna Colleen Carey

"My words are my legacy

I should choose them wisely." -Brianna Colleen Carey

From the Gravel I Rise

I rise

though not all shines

like that of the sun

but I am one who has awaken

therefore I should be grateful

I wont cling to 

the night before 

for it is past

I'm trying to make this present last

for just a bit longer

On this rocky path in which I wander

I ponder my future.