"Open Book"

You've given me the gift to write
and blessed me with the ability to sing
No longer will I fight
to keep these gifts within
I will share them with the world
in hopes that they will understand
the heart that once was a little girl
and the soul that's becoming a woman
The battles that I've fought
the laughter and the pain
The morals that I was taught
and the truth I've come to gain
My soul I will now bare
for everyone to see
My personal secrets I will share
the words you read are a part of me
If I can change just one life
with the words that I have written
I'll be completely satisfied
and know my life was worth living
All the nights when I felt so alone
someone out there felt the same
All of the times when I'd cry at home
someone was feeling my pain
When I had my doubts
and thought it was the end
Someone else was crying out
just like me....searching for a friend
When I overcame the hurt
some one's pain had gone
The day I found out what love was worth
Someone had the same feeling all along
So with each word that you read
My happiness is being restored
Acknowledgement from others I no longer need
For your understanding means so much more.

"Healing Note"

Within me there is a weakness
through music I find a relief that's....
kind of hard to explain
Each note helps me maintain
and regain the strength that I need
in order to succeed
I feed on every single beat
So when I'm out on the street
I can defeat any problem that comes my way
and on that note I will pray
So listen closely as I say
I will not back down from this fight
because I believe I too have a right
despite the battles I've lost, and the weakness I find
I will not quit....not this time
I rhyme with a confidence I've never had
No longer is my soul sad
I'm glad to have been blessed with the gift of music
and since I've been given the ability to use it
I won't abuse it....nor neglect it any longer
For music is the reason I've become that much stronger.

You and I....Intertwined

Anytime I am near you
I get butterflies
When I kiss your lips it's like....
fireworks on the fourth of July
Like watching the sunrise
my heart doubles in size
And as I try to catch my breath
I slip back into this trance
and drift to the depths of romance
As you softly caress my soul with your hands
I am conscious
but in a whole other state of mind
With you time......stands still
and I feel our souls connect
and in that very moment
we become one
Overwhelmed by Love
and then my love.....
you squeeze me tight
As we both take flight
We release our sighs
Looking into each others eyes
we kiss goodnight
Until we awake to the morning sunrise
It's so right
I'm still in your arms
where I belong.

In My Skin

Is an image all I can get?
I'm stealing souls....
hoping to find that one will fit
And yet....
I'm still in this hole
society has dug
and I cannot fun free
until I depart from their so called tranquility
What if ultimately.....
the true nature of things
isn't the way you think it is?
And what if Normal....
isn't quite the way it seems?
It seems to me....
the minorities
add up to be
more than the majority
So....tell me
How am I of minority
Ah....now you find yourself questioning....
you see....
It's called enlightenment
or somewhat of an epiphany
That's awakened your mind
it's allowed you to see
from that invisible third eye
Yes....that's right
The third eye....I call it the "blind man's sight"
Give me a light
I'm tired of hiding
the person I am
I'm not perfect
so I'm not accepted in this land
The land of the free?
I doubt it highly
You tape my mouth shut
so that I cannot speak
What you desire so badly is the truth
that you won't let yourself receive
Then you wonder why you are not truly happy
It's because you try to be
the image you see around you
You mimic those who surround you
You'll bite your tongue
before ever speaking a word
because God forbid
someone may find your absurd
or even worse....you may finally feel free
being yourself
and making others face reality
Introducing Me....
I am Black, Irish, German, and Cherokee
I like simplicity
I'm not too complicated
I'm all real and not fake
On days that are sunny
I can really be funny
but on days that are cloudy
I can sometimes get rowdy
but don't most people?
I treat everyone and everything equal
The way it should be
It's what I believe
that all you give out
you will receive.....eventually
A butterfly will spread it's wings and fly away
but it will, without a doubt,
return someday.....
Well most of the time anyway
See what I'm trying to say
is that people are subject to change
To go through many stages
and sometimes act strange
Even let out hidden rages
But it's okay
Don't be ashamed
You'll find yourself someday
And when you do
Some people may reject the real You
But always stay true....
to yourself, and never doubt
who you are
Be your own star
Don't spend a moment of your life
pretending to be
someone you're not
to make others happy
If you do
You'll never feel free
You'll always feel lost and incomplete
That's why I made a promise to me
that I'll be Me only
Because that's all I can be
Just simply Brianna Carey
Regardless of your pressures
to myself I've stayed true
Although I didn't meet your measures
I can say....I'm happier than you.
You can spend your life being fake if you want to
But I'm going to love all of me...while you're hating you
Because I am happy in my skin
my soul lifted within
The weights been lifted from my hands
Suddenly all of me seems beautiful again....
The color of my skin so lovely
My curves so shapely
My face....has flaws
yet it's leaving me in aw
My chubby cheeks
Even my crooked teeth
seem to impress me....
I feel oh so sexy
My reflection's suddenly given me a reason to smile
I feel like I could run for miles
From my stretch marks
to the P.H.A.T. on my thighs
From my hips
right up to my eyes....
I feel security
in all of me
Knowing that I can finally be me
Knowing that it's okay
Makes it easier to breathe
Now that I'm able to be free
I'm so proud to say
that finally.....I'm truly happy.

"Sun-Kissed"

There's something about when the sun hits my face
it lifts me to a whole other place
A place with no fear
No anger.....no worry
It's warmth dries my tears
and I feel....so happy
That God has allowed me to breathe
just one more day
So I could bare witness
to the beauty he has displayed
The sun.....a loving reminder
that darkness doesn't last forever
You get through the bad weather
When the storm dies....
you survive to start anew
The sun shines....the sky blue
There's a feeling of sweet bliss
A tingling feeling of pure happiness
I call it Sun-kissed. :)

My Mind a Black Hole

Darkness speaks to me
Afraid at first
of what I may see
but to my surprise
my eyes opened
and there was Peace
No jaded form of conscious
Just bliss
and in the midst of said awakening
I can't feel a thing
My mind, my body, my soul are one
My heart sing
the beating like drums
I overcome my convictions
the weight lifted
in a way; my world shifted
A rare gift that....many do not receive
A second chance to breathe
A feeling of Free
A rebirth.....touched by mother earth
A view of the whole world
from a perspective so pure
Uncorrupted by false knowledge
My mind is....
an open door
A black hole....I'm listening
Tell me more.....

Quote about Love by Brianna Carey

"If Love is the easiest thing to give or receive......then why is Losing Love the Hardest thing to take."

~Brianna Carey

Fully Assembled By The Hands Of God....

You know what! I am NOT Perfect! I am a little clingy....I Do Love too much....I Do fall in Love easily.....call me a hopeless romantic if you will. I may even talk to much for your liking....heck....I hardly ever shut up! But you know what. I am a great person. With one of the kindest souls you will ever come across. I would literally give the clothes off my back and walk naked so that someone else could be clothed and warm.....I am that type of woman. A selfless woman who always thinks of others first before I dare get myself something. A woman who would give her last dollar to her name in a heartbeat if someone needed it. That's just me....I give give give and hardly ever take. I never ask anyone to pay me back. I never say to anyone I come across "you owe me"....Not even a complete stranger! That's the type of woman I am. That's the woman my parents raised and the woman God created. So I am sorry if it makes you feel overwhelmed that I care about you and that you are too much of a chicken to tell me "I don't want your help Bri....Leave me Alone" Is that so much to ask of people....just so much as a little Respect? No....it is Not! Honesty....that should just come naturally but for some it doesn't. And it blows my mind! You don't like me the way I am....fine.....whatever! Deuces to you and may I show you the door? And trust me when I say you just lost the type of friend who goes the extra mile...heck the extra 50 miles and then some for her friends and puts others first before herself. So much so that I have actually damaged myself with so much emotional and psychological baggage that I have acquired over the years and carried on my heart for the people who have hurt me and for the people I care about deeply....to lighten their load so it's not so heavy so that I myself could very well be on the verge of a mental overload. There is only so much that one human being can carry. That weight on my shoulders can only be so heavy before my knees buckle beneath me and Dang it....I am close to that point right now! I am just sick and tired of people judging me....acting as though I am a burden to be friends with. Like they are too good for me or don't have the time to waste talking to me.....but that's not even the problem. I don't care if they don't want to talk to me the rest of their lives. The problem is that they keep talking to me even long after they've decided that they don't like me! What the heck is that?!! Why be phony?!! And I can't help that I care "TOO" much as if that were actually a bad thing. So if anyone dislikes me for who I am and can't open there narrow minds to see that. Then they can exit stage left! I'm No charity case....if you don't like me....Then you Don't!!! Don't fake liking me because you feel sorry for me or something. Don't be phony and pretend that you care about me at all....Please have no pity on what you feel to be "poor little Brianna's fragile itty bitty whittle heart"! Take your pity elsewhere and you can take your baggage with you. I don't need this stuff right now man! I am so fed up! Ugh....Why can't people just take me for who the heck I am. When you first met me I was Brianna!! I've continued to be Brianna!!! And I will remain Brianna Colleen Carey until I breathe my last breath on this earth and for all eternity! So take your pity somewhere it's needed because it's not needed here! That's for dang sure! I got this! I'm straight! I am trying to be here for you! Not the other way around. I don't need any one's charity friendship....Help yeah....maybe on occasion I need help but definitely not pity! I don't need you for that! And for the times that you don't wanna help me at all....well I got God to step in. None other than the G....O....D! And my man Jesus...they got my back and that's enough to carry me through the times when no human being wants to help! And don't act like you aren't being phony to me because God also blessed me with a gift to feel when someone dislikes me....you can be miles away from me or right next to me but either way.....no matter how great of an actor or actress you think you may be....you still can't fake vibes.....not with me. I know what you are really thinking and or feeling at any given moment in time so you might as well fess up! Be real with me is all I am asking for once. Tell me what you really think of me!~ Don't be scared and Don't sugarcoat! How do you feel about Brianna Carey huh? I'm not a baby....and I am sick of people treating me as though I am. I'm also tired of people acting as though I am the only one on this earth who cries or has a bad dang on day! No.....I'm not! I shed tears.....you bet your behind I shed tears! Just like any other human being....after all I have been through these past few years....Heck my whole life matter of fact. I deserve my tears....I've earned them mothers!! I've earned my moments of struggle and from my struggle stems my wisdom! So don't you feel bad for me! I just want one person to show me something good! Is there anyone left in this world or am I just fishing for a good soul in a sea of evil? What the Heck? Just tell me.....is there anyone out there who doesn't trample on a soul that has already been brutally wounded in the past?? Anyone?? Because if they are out there...I need to see just one. Because I am losing faith in this world slowly but surely! Tell me why do people (seemingly nice people) take joy in Crapping on the ONE person who gives a dang about them?? The ONE person who genuinely cares for them.....ME?! Why....when out of all the phony fake behind "friends" you think you have in this world (who really don't give two squirts of you know what about you or it's 9 out of 10 times likely they are just using you until you are all used up and then they are on to the next) why.....tell me why would you want to crap on the ONE genuine real person who would cut out her heart if yours stopped beating to keep you alive?? Why I ask you? That's what the heck I want to know! Can't you decipher the real from the fake? Can't you see that those people who seem to be so Perfect.....so well Spoken....so Put Together....who don't seem to have a single thing wrong with them at all.....not one flaw and seem so Gosh darn full of themselves....can't you see that they are Full of some of the Richest Most Rank Manure to ever be found on earth! I am talking they are more fake than a prosthetic body part!~ Nobody....And I mean Nobody is that perfect! Not one of us on this dang earth! The only difference between those people pretending and I....is that I can't hide my emotions.....I wear them on my sleeve for the world to see and do with it as they please and all I can pray for it that they will see me for the sweet and kind woman that I am and not take advantage of my Love that I give out so plentifully....so unconditionally to anyone and I do mean anyone and any creature I see to be in need of it. I have the deepest depths of my soul practically written across my for head in Neon Lights!~ And instead of seeing me for who I am and accepting me in all my flaws....you run from me or dis me behind my back yet you smile in my face! You take joy in belittling my personality and making me out to be some few screws loose in the head woman who can't control herself....a woman who'd be lost without you. That is you stopped talking to me I'd slit my dang wrists or something! Are you fricking serious?!! Really? Who in the heck do you think you are.....the second coming or something?? Because that is the only friend I would perish without is God! I'm not weak! I have more strength than people give me credit for. There is a HUGE difference between being sensitive and maybe even a little naive and being weak and unable to stand on my own two feet. I am a very sensitive person. A gift and a curse really.....I get hurt because of it.....a lot. Quite often actually.....even sometimes unintentionally I am hurt by friends.....because I Love so strong and care so deeply that I feel what they are feeling. When they hurt....I hurt. When they feel anger I feel it. Same with all other emotions they feel. And that is one gift Not in my power to control. And yes! I am naive....I'm not afraid to admit that. You could play me if you really wanted to. I'd fall for it. No doubt in my mind that I would because despite the fact that I get my heart battered over and over again....(too many times to count) yet and still I continue to give out my Love.....I continue to Care. Truly a gift and a curse like I said....because there are those who are honest and don't take advantage of me (the gift) but instead....give me the same Respect and Love and Care in return. Those are the people I thank God for. True Friends....but unfortunately....they aren't the majority. On the other hand (the curse) are the ones who abuse my kindness and take advantage of me repeatedly. And frankly....and I am being very frank right now. I'm fed up! I want to see more kindness. I'm just tired of it ya know. I'm tired of being used and used....it hurts ya know! Dang! I mean....what am I supposed to do? I care! Why do I care?? Well when you come up with an answer to that one....please DO let me know!~ I continue to forgive and forgive as people continue to take and take from me......until ME is gone forever. But I will never stop being this way though although many try to turn me Cold and Emotionless. I won't stop because I'd much rather be the kind person who loves TOO much and cares TOO much than be the person on the other end who is Cold and Phony. Well....if you want Cold and Phony then you definitely don't want me as a friend at all....because I can't even pretend to be fake. I don't even have that ability....so while I'm being out in the open with everyone! For your information....YES I do cry, I do get sad....but NO I'm not suicidal Nor am I depressed. YES I do hurt...but NO I am Not Fragile. You don't have to hold me delicately in your hands.....I won't break! YES I do get pissed.....but NO I am not Bi-Polar. YES my heart has been beaten and bruised over the years....but NO....my heart is not Broken! YES....I do get lonely sometimes...but NO I won't be lost without someone by my side. YES I do care about people.....but NO....I won't die if they don't want to accept my Love or Care. YES I am Naive....No I am not simple.....Nor slow or mentally incapacitated in any way, shape, or form. And last but Not Least. YES I do trust easily....because I chose to believe that deep down there is a good seed in everyone of God's beings.....and NO I am not under the impression that that's always the case....I'm not living in some fantasy world where I think no one will ever harm me. I am NOT a Pessimist nor an Optimist.....I am a Realist....who's surprisingly optimistic! Yeah.....let that one soak into the brain a bit! I may be a little eccentric at best or a little mad at worst....but anyone who takes on as much as I do for the greater good of the world might go a little mad on occasion. But am I going to lose my mind and end up in a straight jacket? NO! I'm not insane. I am IMPERFECT. Handcrafted and made to be Original. I am a bunch of emotions and characteristics bottled into one Loving personality. I am indefinitely..........HUMAN. Thank you very much! So if anyone has a problem with that....let me know right now because as I said before. Exit Stage Left if you do! And if later you decide to like me for who I am again.....9 times out of 10 I'll forgive you and I'll go back to being there for you as if nothing ever happened. If you do chose to remain my friend. Despite my imperfections....Do me this ONE favor......ACCEPT ME AS I AM from that moment on. You can't have pieces of me that you pick and choose. I come in a Package, Pre-Made, already Fully assembled by the hands of God Himself....so don't try to change me. I am not a punching bag nor am I a door mat.....and please don't test my patience because honestly I don't know my limits of how much abuse I can handle. Currently the amount I've taken on thus far is starting to become too much. Look. I'm just ME. That's all I can be. Like I said before. My heart on my sleeve and my soul on my face. So I'm saying....please don't slap me on my face, or stab me in the sleeve. That's all I'm asking. And I really honestly don't think I'm asking too much. Do you? Listen....I love being the person I am on almost all days. But it gets hard to be nice y'all. It becomes difficult to walk the road higher....to be the bigger person. And all of the above. It's taken a lot out of me over the years. But I still have a lot of Love left in me to give. I guess I'm just saying I want people to see me as I am and truly appreciate me. I already get this from God but to get it from the occasional human being also wouldn't hurt ya know. It would help to restore my faith in mankind which is dwindling. I wrote this whole thing for the people who have hurt me and or who continue to do so. For those of you who have used me. I forgive you even though you won't apologize even though an apology is all I've really ever wanted. I still forgive you. This is meant for those who still to this day take advantage. I am a Good person. Please stop taking advantage of me. I only ask that you see past my flaws and down moments where I am not my strongest....to see all the wonderful things I have to offer as a Lover or Friend. See through to my heart.....to my soul....who out there can see me right now? And once you've seen me....all of me.....who can accept me? Can you?

A Quote about Balance by Donald Carey

"Be Quick but don't Hurry.....Be Fast....but don't Rush" ~Donald Carey (my father)

I Only Knew You For A Moment....

I only knew you for one moment in time
Though it felt as though I had known you my whole life
Caught by surprise
You caught me off guard
Smitten by your southern charm
Those gorgeous brown eyes
With a heart that could do no harm
Tattoos all down your arms
A bad boy but also a sweetheart
I still remember you after all this time
You still cross my mind
You're hard to forget to tell you the truth
Haven't found a man yet who's been quite like you
And I doubt I ever will
Find someone who with one smile made my heart skip
Who in an instant
could make me feel the way you made me feel
"Some type of a way"....you used to say
But let's just keep it real
You had me sprung....ain't no use in denying it
A feeling that strong.....there was no chance in fighting it
In my kitchen with no one around
We shared our first kiss
You planted one on me unexpected but it was pure bliss
And now I wonder....
do you even remember it?
Or me for that matter?
Probably not anymore now that you have her
But I keep wondering
The way we were talking back then
The way you held my hand
as if it were yours "already"
And how you told me you could see yourself waking up next to me
The way we both felt as though we were meant to be
It couldn't have been by accident....the way we met
It had to be destiny
The moment you looked at me
We locked eyes
You and I had an instant connection
Both headed from different states
Yet headed in the same direction
It was no mistake
The way we felt
It must have been fate
and nothing else
I'd like to think....one day we'll meet again
That our last kiss we shared by the Trax
wasn't really the end
Until then....
I will keep your memory in my mind
Even though I only knew you one tiny moment in time
It felt as though I'd already loved you my whole entire life

A Quote about Insomnia by Brianna Carey

"Awake...while the rest of the world is sleeping.....I do my best thinking"

~Brianna Carey

Can You Read Me?

I lay back with my mind on unwind
Just relax and sit back as I take you on this journey of mine
You'll find you might learn something you didn't know
grab hold of that which intising you
I'm inviting you to something phenomenal
A side to Brianna of which you did not know
Too much wisdom....too much Pride
A quality you rarely find
A woman unafraid to speak her mind
No longer do I keep quiet
When I have been disrespected
I'm calling you from "so and so"
I'm afraid your power's been disconnected
You're no longer in control
You do not hold the key to my soul
Nor determine the limits to how far I will go
No.
Now....I stand on my own
Go ahead and Tell me I won't succeed
And I'll tell you to kiss the part of me
that I myself....can not speak
Though it speaks for itself....you will see
These words I speak are genuine
They flow from within
Breathe them in and take heed to them
For I have never been more determined
to prove you wrong
All along you wanted me to fail
But that tale is far from told
I'm still writing the chapters of this soul
Can you read me?

A quote about Life by Brianna Carey

"You know.....some people in life choose to see the glass Half Full.....some see it Half Empty....me personally.....I'm still trying to see the Glass!"

My Heart Belongs to Him.....

I'm so drained from where I have been
My eyes tired from the rain
That's flowed down my face since then
Through all four seasons....no end
I don't have it in me to love again
I don't have anymore love to give.....can't you see
I have given all of my energy
every ounce of the heart in me to love someone
A man I wanted to be the one
And still do
But that chance was taken from me
4 years ago and now we'll never be
Now....I don't know how to love
All I know is him.....Stevie
and the way it felt when we first kissed
Like the world stopped in that very moment
just for us.....there was bliss
And nothing else
Evaporated was every hint of sadness in my soul
I became whole
because he loved me
Nothing in this world mattered to him but me
And I would give the world to have him back
But unfortunately society has taken our chance
at the love meant to be.....true love.... a real romance
This man was more than just a man
He was mine....my soul mate, my lover, my best friend
I could tell him anything and he'd still love me
Where will I ever find that again?
Who out there wouldn't judge me?
Who out there would still love me....in all my flaws?
Who would stay beside me at all costs?
Who but God, his Son and this One man?
And if so.....if there were another
how....tell me how can I give him my heart
when it still belongs to another?
How could I ever kiss another man and not feel as though I am cheating?
How can I love again knowing his heart would stop beating without me?
How can I go on with my life....when I know he can't go on without me?
It would be wrong
Wrong to try to love someone besides him
The man I love is locked away and all alone
There is no one besides him
Not for me
How would that even be fair?
For me to smile while he cries?
For me to live when every day a part of him dies?
I am all he has
But what do I have?
What am I left with
but a shell of what once was?
The memories of a love I can no longer touch
I cannot kiss him, not even a hug
He may be a love lost
but still he is my Love
And so I cannot abandon him
I could never forgive myself if I left him all alone
and something God forbid were to happen to him
No....I cannot leave him
Not like this.....Not when I am his only reason for living
Not now......not today....nor tomorrow
or for the rest of my days will I ever leave him
I would rather live in sorrow each day I of my existence
than to keep him at a distance any longer
Stevie and I....
We were meant to be but can never be
Do you have any idea how much that kills me?
Do you know how my heart aches each day without ease?
For years....not a day goes by when my eyes don't fill with tears
For the one I was supposed to be with forever
He is my everything
To leave him behind would be killing
the very part of me that keeps me breathing
He has been my life since I was 13
I was fortunate enough to know unconditionally
what real love is
So tell me......how can I leave?
Why would I abandon a part of what makes me....me?
He needs me and I will sacrifice the intimacy
The Physical Love that we used to share
Things that the flesh desires
for the Spiritual Love that connects us....for it's so rare
A love that takes us from two individual beings
to being One.....it's surreal
That to me is worth my tears....the pain I must feel
from missing him
I could never abandon him....he is what makes my blood flow
My heart beat.....my lungs breathe.....he is all I know
Call me crazy
but so long as he has me....then I will never be alone.