Life has taught me that it is perfectly okay to cry it out when you feel defeated. To grieve over losses, both big and small, regardless of whether the world sees it as a silly thing to fret about, if it matters to you then it matters, so you grieve it beloved until your heart heals. These losses can include unattained dreams, goals that fell through, the death of someone who meant the world to us, a broken heart from a lost love or even just something as simple as a day where you accomplished absolutely nothing when you had a to do list ready and now you feel like a lazy bum.... (Hello, me today, that last one.) Any and ALL losses are okay to grieve so the healing process can begin.
Each day, as you learn to let go of every individual expectation you created for how your life would go, where you'd be right now in life, what you would have accomplished by now, etc. etc., you'll slowly return to the present moment which is truly the only moment that is tangible and real. You'll begin to recognize that all you have done already is actually more than enough and all that remains in your life after counting your losses, is still quite succifient to provide for your needs. Maybe not your wants, but definitely your needs.
All of the effort it took before to remain grateful will begin to ease as you accept that your humanness is frail and that you should never had set those expectations upon yourself to begin with.
I dont know about you but expectations are no longer a burden I am willing to bare. What if my life today is all it ever will be? Will I spend the rest of my life bitter over it because it did not measure up to something I imagined in my head it would be? Will I really miss out on the joy of the present moment simply because it isnt what I wanted? That would be insanity and I do not want to live that kind of life or have that kind of attitude towards my life. No.... I am BLESSED. Has life been hard on my heart? Most definitely, but it has also been incredibly kind to me at times. It's all what I choose to focus on and I have to remind myself not to stand upon a pedistool of expectation when viewing my life but instead from a seated position of humility where I can clearly see how truly fortunate I have been. Perspective is everything.
I am grateful for today, for the tears I shed, for doing absolutely nothing, for being true to the present moment and how I am feeling in it. Tomorrow may or may not be the same but it will certainly BE, either way. And however it turns out, I will be okay with it because life is a plethora of unexpected events, some beautiful and some devastating, all of which serve a purpose in shaping me into the person I was created to be.
Thank You Jesus for my life. Thank You for the tears, the losses, the gains, the joy and the pain I have experienced. Thank You for Your grace to endure and for Your mercy on the days when I cannot. Thank You for loving me endlessly.... for without Your love, my life would be obsolete. I pray for peace that surpasses my understanding, for eyes that seek out the good in myself and in others, for ears that listen to Your word, and a soul that absorbs Your word like good soil, may they be planted and grow, transforming me into who You created me to be. In Jesus name, I pray, amen.
- Brianna Carey
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