Fully Assembled By The Hands Of God....

You know what! I am NOT Perfect! I am a little clingy....I Do Love too much....I Do fall in Love easily.....call me a hopeless romantic if you will. I may even talk to much for your liking....heck....I hardly ever shut up! But you know what. I am a great person. With one of the kindest souls you will ever come across. I would literally give the clothes off my back and walk naked so that someone else could be clothed and warm.....I am that type of woman. A selfless woman who always thinks of others first before I dare get myself something. A woman who would give her last dollar to her name in a heartbeat if someone needed it. That's just me....I give give give and hardly ever take. I never ask anyone to pay me back. I never say to anyone I come across "you owe me"....Not even a complete stranger! That's the type of woman I am. That's the woman my parents raised and the woman God created. So I am sorry if it makes you feel overwhelmed that I care about you and that you are too much of a chicken to tell me "I don't want your help Bri....Leave me Alone" Is that so much to ask of people....just so much as a little Respect? No....it is Not! Honesty....that should just come naturally but for some it doesn't. And it blows my mind! You don't like me the way I am....fine.....whatever! Deuces to you and may I show you the door? And trust me when I say you just lost the type of friend who goes the extra mile...heck the extra 50 miles and then some for her friends and puts others first before herself. So much so that I have actually damaged myself with so much emotional and psychological baggage that I have acquired over the years and carried on my heart for the people who have hurt me and for the people I care about deeply....to lighten their load so it's not so heavy so that I myself could very well be on the verge of a mental overload. There is only so much that one human being can carry. That weight on my shoulders can only be so heavy before my knees buckle beneath me and Dang it....I am close to that point right now! I am just sick and tired of people judging me....acting as though I am a burden to be friends with. Like they are too good for me or don't have the time to waste talking to me.....but that's not even the problem. I don't care if they don't want to talk to me the rest of their lives. The problem is that they keep talking to me even long after they've decided that they don't like me! What the heck is that?!! Why be phony?!! And I can't help that I care "TOO" much as if that were actually a bad thing. So if anyone dislikes me for who I am and can't open there narrow minds to see that. Then they can exit stage left! I'm No charity case....if you don't like me....Then you Don't!!! Don't fake liking me because you feel sorry for me or something. Don't be phony and pretend that you care about me at all....Please have no pity on what you feel to be "poor little Brianna's fragile itty bitty whittle heart"! Take your pity elsewhere and you can take your baggage with you. I don't need this stuff right now man! I am so fed up! Ugh....Why can't people just take me for who the heck I am. When you first met me I was Brianna!! I've continued to be Brianna!!! And I will remain Brianna Colleen Carey until I breathe my last breath on this earth and for all eternity! So take your pity somewhere it's needed because it's not needed here! That's for dang sure! I got this! I'm straight! I am trying to be here for you! Not the other way around. I don't need any one's charity friendship....Help yeah....maybe on occasion I need help but definitely not pity! I don't need you for that! And for the times that you don't wanna help me at all....well I got God to step in. None other than the G....O....D! And my man Jesus...they got my back and that's enough to carry me through the times when no human being wants to help! And don't act like you aren't being phony to me because God also blessed me with a gift to feel when someone dislikes me....you can be miles away from me or right next to me but either way.....no matter how great of an actor or actress you think you may be....you still can't fake vibes.....not with me. I know what you are really thinking and or feeling at any given moment in time so you might as well fess up! Be real with me is all I am asking for once. Tell me what you really think of me!~ Don't be scared and Don't sugarcoat! How do you feel about Brianna Carey huh? I'm not a baby....and I am sick of people treating me as though I am. I'm also tired of people acting as though I am the only one on this earth who cries or has a bad dang on day! No.....I'm not! I shed tears.....you bet your behind I shed tears! Just like any other human being....after all I have been through these past few years....Heck my whole life matter of fact. I deserve my tears....I've earned them mothers!! I've earned my moments of struggle and from my struggle stems my wisdom! So don't you feel bad for me! I just want one person to show me something good! Is there anyone left in this world or am I just fishing for a good soul in a sea of evil? What the Heck? Just tell me.....is there anyone out there who doesn't trample on a soul that has already been brutally wounded in the past?? Anyone?? Because if they are out there...I need to see just one. Because I am losing faith in this world slowly but surely! Tell me why do people (seemingly nice people) take joy in Crapping on the ONE person who gives a dang about them?? The ONE person who genuinely cares for them.....ME?! Why....when out of all the phony fake behind "friends" you think you have in this world (who really don't give two squirts of you know what about you or it's 9 out of 10 times likely they are just using you until you are all used up and then they are on to the next) why.....tell me why would you want to crap on the ONE genuine real person who would cut out her heart if yours stopped beating to keep you alive?? Why I ask you? That's what the heck I want to know! Can't you decipher the real from the fake? Can't you see that those people who seem to be so Perfect.....so well Spoken....so Put Together....who don't seem to have a single thing wrong with them at all.....not one flaw and seem so Gosh darn full of themselves....can't you see that they are Full of some of the Richest Most Rank Manure to ever be found on earth! I am talking they are more fake than a prosthetic body part!~ Nobody....And I mean Nobody is that perfect! Not one of us on this dang earth! The only difference between those people pretending and I....is that I can't hide my emotions.....I wear them on my sleeve for the world to see and do with it as they please and all I can pray for it that they will see me for the sweet and kind woman that I am and not take advantage of my Love that I give out so plentifully....so unconditionally to anyone and I do mean anyone and any creature I see to be in need of it. I have the deepest depths of my soul practically written across my for head in Neon Lights!~ And instead of seeing me for who I am and accepting me in all my flaws....you run from me or dis me behind my back yet you smile in my face! You take joy in belittling my personality and making me out to be some few screws loose in the head woman who can't control herself....a woman who'd be lost without you. That is you stopped talking to me I'd slit my dang wrists or something! Are you fricking serious?!! Really? Who in the heck do you think you are.....the second coming or something?? Because that is the only friend I would perish without is God! I'm not weak! I have more strength than people give me credit for. There is a HUGE difference between being sensitive and maybe even a little naive and being weak and unable to stand on my own two feet. I am a very sensitive person. A gift and a curse really.....I get hurt because of it.....a lot. Quite often actually.....even sometimes unintentionally I am hurt by friends.....because I Love so strong and care so deeply that I feel what they are feeling. When they hurt....I hurt. When they feel anger I feel it. Same with all other emotions they feel. And that is one gift Not in my power to control. And yes! I am naive....I'm not afraid to admit that. You could play me if you really wanted to. I'd fall for it. No doubt in my mind that I would because despite the fact that I get my heart battered over and over again....(too many times to count) yet and still I continue to give out my Love.....I continue to Care. Truly a gift and a curse like I said....because there are those who are honest and don't take advantage of me (the gift) but instead....give me the same Respect and Love and Care in return. Those are the people I thank God for. True Friends....but unfortunately....they aren't the majority. On the other hand (the curse) are the ones who abuse my kindness and take advantage of me repeatedly. And frankly....and I am being very frank right now. I'm fed up! I want to see more kindness. I'm just tired of it ya know. I'm tired of being used and used....it hurts ya know! Dang! I mean....what am I supposed to do? I care! Why do I care?? Well when you come up with an answer to that one....please DO let me know!~ I continue to forgive and forgive as people continue to take and take from me......until ME is gone forever. But I will never stop being this way though although many try to turn me Cold and Emotionless. I won't stop because I'd much rather be the kind person who loves TOO much and cares TOO much than be the person on the other end who is Cold and Phony. Well....if you want Cold and Phony then you definitely don't want me as a friend at all....because I can't even pretend to be fake. I don't even have that ability....so while I'm being out in the open with everyone! For your information....YES I do cry, I do get sad....but NO I'm not suicidal Nor am I depressed. YES I do hurt...but NO I am Not Fragile. You don't have to hold me delicately in your hands.....I won't break! YES I do get pissed.....but NO I am not Bi-Polar. YES my heart has been beaten and bruised over the years....but NO....my heart is not Broken! YES....I do get lonely sometimes...but NO I won't be lost without someone by my side. YES I do care about people.....but NO....I won't die if they don't want to accept my Love or Care. YES I am Naive....No I am not simple.....Nor slow or mentally incapacitated in any way, shape, or form. And last but Not Least. YES I do trust easily....because I chose to believe that deep down there is a good seed in everyone of God's beings.....and NO I am not under the impression that that's always the case....I'm not living in some fantasy world where I think no one will ever harm me. I am NOT a Pessimist nor an Optimist.....I am a Realist....who's surprisingly optimistic! Yeah.....let that one soak into the brain a bit! I may be a little eccentric at best or a little mad at worst....but anyone who takes on as much as I do for the greater good of the world might go a little mad on occasion. But am I going to lose my mind and end up in a straight jacket? NO! I'm not insane. I am IMPERFECT. Handcrafted and made to be Original. I am a bunch of emotions and characteristics bottled into one Loving personality. I am indefinitely..........HUMAN. Thank you very much! So if anyone has a problem with that....let me know right now because as I said before. Exit Stage Left if you do! And if later you decide to like me for who I am again.....9 times out of 10 I'll forgive you and I'll go back to being there for you as if nothing ever happened. If you do chose to remain my friend. Despite my imperfections....Do me this ONE favor......ACCEPT ME AS I AM from that moment on. You can't have pieces of me that you pick and choose. I come in a Package, Pre-Made, already Fully assembled by the hands of God Himself....so don't try to change me. I am not a punching bag nor am I a door mat.....and please don't test my patience because honestly I don't know my limits of how much abuse I can handle. Currently the amount I've taken on thus far is starting to become too much. Look. I'm just ME. That's all I can be. Like I said before. My heart on my sleeve and my soul on my face. So I'm saying....please don't slap me on my face, or stab me in the sleeve. That's all I'm asking. And I really honestly don't think I'm asking too much. Do you? Listen....I love being the person I am on almost all days. But it gets hard to be nice y'all. It becomes difficult to walk the road higher....to be the bigger person. And all of the above. It's taken a lot out of me over the years. But I still have a lot of Love left in me to give. I guess I'm just saying I want people to see me as I am and truly appreciate me. I already get this from God but to get it from the occasional human being also wouldn't hurt ya know. It would help to restore my faith in mankind which is dwindling. I wrote this whole thing for the people who have hurt me and or who continue to do so. For those of you who have used me. I forgive you even though you won't apologize even though an apology is all I've really ever wanted. I still forgive you. This is meant for those who still to this day take advantage. I am a Good person. Please stop taking advantage of me. I only ask that you see past my flaws and down moments where I am not my strongest....to see all the wonderful things I have to offer as a Lover or Friend. See through to my heart.....to my soul....who out there can see me right now? And once you've seen me....all of me.....who can accept me? Can you?