I just don't know what to do with my life anymore, and I'm so discontent..... I want so deeply to do what truly matters in life, I want to do what God placed in my heart as a little girl, but I seem stuck. Stuck on this hamster wheel just making it by, all of my money goes to corporations, making them richer, and as I sit here watching the years of life pass me by, I'm thinking "I'm still in the same place, and I haven't done anything of substance with my life", and it seems to never end. I don't know how to get off this wheel. For a moment I think to myself, maybe it's just more money I need, but then I look around and see the wealthy "successful people", and they look "sorta happy" but they work even harder and have even less time with their loved ones or even less time to do what matters and so I wonder how happy can they actually be? Even just spending quality time with family/friends, or giving of time to charity seems impossible at any level of what man considers success. And so I find myself having a very Ecclesiastes moment in my life. "It's all meaningless" without purpose. Without living for a reason, what is living? It's just existing. And I don't want to simply exist anymore. I so deperately need to find and fulfill my purpose. I CANNOT keep living the same day over and over again. It's literally killing me inside. Literally. My soul is clinging to life. I was made for so much more...... Now the unending questions remain.... How do I get to where I am supposed to be? How do I not repeat this same monotonous year over again?
I'm praying God will reveal His plan to set in motion my true calling. This day to day monotony with two days off is tearing my soul up. I just cannot do it much longer.... I really just cannot......
Jesus help me get off the wheel.
- Brianna Carey
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