One Lie Leads to Another (written 9-25-05)

So here I am
again
With this pen in my hand
trying to understand
how it all began
see....here's the thing
It never used to be like this
all this tension between us didn't exist
There once were happy moments
Now you're always pissed
Or I'm crying
Who's fault is this?
Who can I blame?
You....too stubborn to change?
Or myself for staying the same?
Out of the two
No one wants to blame themselves
so I blame you
You're the reason we're not together
see.....when you promised me forever
I guess you forgot that forever means
you breakup never
And then one lie lead to another
to cover
up your dirty deeds
but did you forget about my needs
so now I suffer here as my heart bleeds
and as you can see
I still can't let go
no matter how hard I try
for just the thought of forever saying goodbye
brings a tear to my eye
so I don't
I stay
And still you won't
love me the right way
Still you stray
and cause me such pain
yet I maintain a smile like I'm good....every things okay
Knowing that my heart is breaking inside a little more each day
Don't you even care that you hurt me this way?
why do you continue to do this to me...to us?
Why keep breaking my trust?
Do my tears amuse you that much?
It's like you enjoy seeing me cry
if that's not the case then why?
Why beg me to stay
only to do me the same
when I take you back?
You sicken me
with all your games and trickery
You're nothing more than a liar I see
But I don't know who's worse
you or me?
I'm the one who stays around
while the one I love constantly brings me down
so what does that make me?
Insane I guess
But one day....I will escape this tragedy
you call a relationship
this power you have over me
will have run it's course and I'll split
Until then I guess I'll put up with it
But not for much longer
my tears are drying up
and my heart is growing stronger
it won't be long now
before you are nothing more than a memory to me
worth less than the scum beneath my feet
but a trace of my history....you'll see
I'll be fine without you
No, I will thrive without you
Finally free of your grasp
You'll see me shine without you.